Hey gang, I hear ya and trust me I've covered an enormous amount of ground in 2.5 years. As a LBS who was very much "in love" and "loved" his wife I have had to cover a lot of emotional ground.
Do I have an idea of what I want in a future relationship and a future partner? Yes I do and in fact about a year ago I wrote it down and keep it in my wallet. Periodically, I review that list to make sure it is still relevant and current. It really hasn't changed much at all.
So back to my question, it has to do with feeling a sense of guilt when it comes to the kids and the future not being that ideal family. Its like I sometimes feel I have failed them and am shortchanging them. Weird because divorce wasn't my idea. This was really an unexpected feeling and I am trying to work on it.
As for dating, its been fun, its been challenging, its been eye opening and I have been enjoying the positive aspects of it. Hey guys it is ok to look. Shoot you can even touch too. LOL! (Sorry bad guy humor there.)
I guess I need to think back to something D11 said, "Daddy, I just want you to be happy." I do really believe she means it no matter who it means I am with. As for D12, I think she's the one that is struggling with the divorce still. She's mentioned in the no so distant past that she wished our family was whole again. Ugh!
So, to address the elephant in the room then. Would I let my ex-wife back into my life? Assuming she'd made changes that I could see, yes I would. Why, well first we were in love and loved each other for a very long time, hard to forget that. Then there's never been the seriously negative drama that so many people experience, no hateful words or actions. We've maintained a good relationship with one another and the bottom line is she got "lost" and needed to find herself again. My heart went out to her about that, it was a bad place to be and I am certain the hurt, tears and pain weren't any easier than mine. I was a bit lost too and found myself. I do believe there has been a lot of healing done by both of us that's taken us back to those great people we were before the stress of jobs, finances, family, other's expectations of us, etc became to much to bear.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
