Thanks for the good wishes Stuck. I do feel like a mother to so many of the people here.
I wouldn't worry too much about your W's mood on Mother's Day b/c I do think it has to do with her adjusting and trying to get back on track. It is hard to explain, but some holidays seem to be tough and Mother's Day may have brought a lot of guilt feelings up for her. She was probably thinking that she could not be voted the Mother of the Year. It is "pressure" for her b/c of feeling guilty--and also she may have been on edge not knowing if you all would make a really big thing out of it. I mean, she probably would have been hurt if the kids had not remembered her, but at the same time she may have been tense and just wanting the day to pass and get it over with. I know I'm not doing a good job of explaining, but it is hard to put into words. I remember how I felt back when......and it was not a good feeling. It takes us mothers a long time to forgive ourselves....as I've talked about before.
I do wish you could get past the feeling of walking on egg shells b/c somehow that usually is felt in the atmosphere and just makes things at home tense for everyone. If you could just learn to be yourself and relax, then I think she would relax more herself. I feel that she can read you well and it probably is getting on her nerves for you to be walking on egg shells all the time. Truth be known, she may feel like screaming at you and saying, "losen up" and act naturally!
Don't let what I say make matters worse for you b/c it was intended to help you. You are trying so hard that I think maybe you are trying too hard, and are watching her every move and every word too carefully. Believe me, that comes across to her loud and clear and she will begin to resent it and she will feel like telling you to "stop it". The problem is......she won't, more than likely. That is the thing with a lot of women......they won't say some of the things they should say and say things they shouldn't instead. So, again, she can feel a pressure from you--b/c she feels you walking around her on egg shells and watching her so carefully.......even if you think she doesn't. That is one of the quirks that comes from being married to somebody for any length of time.....
I believe it would help the MR tremdously if you could focus on your self improvements, the kids, and getting a life......and don't forget to still give her some space. All the stuff you learned from DBing at the start...is to continue. I believe it was Jack the Bean that said he would continue to DB the rest of his life. That is the secret b/c too many stop when they think they have won the war.
Piecing is hard, I won't deny that! However, I have confidence that you can do what you are suppose to do. The rest is up to her. I know you get so tired of hearing me remind you that it takes a lot of time, but if I could not see how things are so much better between my H and I......I could not continue to try to encourage you to stick with it. It is worth it, I promise.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
