I'm ready to wake up now...........

[Silent Chrleader]

Thank you, naej, for sharing your wisdom and experience with me. I certainly don't know if agree with your contention that I am "doing great" though! I feel like I am really reaching the end of my rope and I don't know what that means. It's scary. I don't know if it means that I will finally turn a corner and really finally let go of it all and move on, or if I will just loose it completely and either do something really stupid or have to be locked up!

Had a terrible night last night. S18 went to run an errand for me and ended up gone for hours. Was up until 3am finding him at some girls house and getting my car back which I needed to go to work (at 5am). Took keys and his cell phone and told him he was on his own and I couldn't support his crap any more. He said he would call me when I "cooled off". I said don't bother. Happy Mother's Day to me!! Ended up going in to work late this morning.

During issue with S18, called H's cell phone but he didn't answer. I didn't leave a message. I thought about calling OW's phone and asking her if "my husband was in bed next to her and could she give him the phone please", so I could tell him that I finally took his advice and "gave up" on our son. Of course I didn't do that.

This morning, I had text from H asking about "missed call at 2am". I didn't reply.

Got in to work. Had e-mail from H giving some financial info I had asked him for last week. I didn't reply.

Mid-day, H called my work phone. I didn't answer. He then called cell. I didn't answer that either. He left a message asking about call at 2am and if he needed to "address anything", and he also asked about how "things performed" up at dream house this weekend (I assume he meant heat, water, etc...??). H also said he planned to go up to dream house "after ceremony on Friday" because he has a lot of stuff in his truck to take up there. So, apparently he IS in fact planning to attend D24's wedding on Friday. That's a good thing. I'm glad for that. However, I did not reply to that voice mail either.

S18 hasn't called or contacted us all day........but then I told him not to. He had an appointment to get his braces off tomorrow. Don't know if he'll show up for D24's "wedding" either.

I've gained almost 10 pounds back of the weight I had lost (my friend and I didn't were "diet free" this weekend).

I've continued to text and speak on the phone with T (the guy I met on the dating site). He's a very welcome distraction to me to say the least, but that's all I can handle right now. I think he is loosing a little "interest" which I don't blame him for at all given all the drama that comes with me right now, but he still is a friend and makes me laugh, which I really appreciate.

I am exhausted and going to bed.

Thank you again, [[[[[[naej]]]]]]. If I ever get to go to the UK (which I really hope to do at some point in the next 10 years!!) I would love to meet you!!! You seem to be a very warm, caring and strong lady!!

((((((HUGS TO ALL))))))