Things are going pretty well. W and I are talking alot, though there are still distant moments. I have to remember where we were just a few weeks ago, and know that even if there is nothing but what has happened between us, W has a lot of fear and pain to work through. I can honestly see from her point of view that big talks about big futures together can be somewhat hard to swallow - we have been here before and back in the throws of passion for each other, yet drifted again. I do see that W is actively working on us, and I need to leave space for her to sort out her feelings, and make sure I continue to work on myself. For Me first, and for W second, I need to be the best Man, Father, and Husband possible.
It is difficult when she says she has a lot she is thinking about, but, honestly, there is a lot in life to think about. I have to stop letting her thinking bother me - for all I know she is thinking about good futures!
We have a nice plan for some time alone together next week, and both of us are talking about it with anticipation - she is worried a bit about our kids, as this will be the first time since their births that both of us will be away for any amount of time, but they are old enough and will be in good hands. It will be good for all of us!
Looking through this board can sometimes be painful - seeing others going through what I have gone through, does bring back those painful memories, but in some ways I think this is important - letting the pain fade too much and become the stuff of occasional nightmares made it too easy to forget to pay attention to my M. A good M does not happen on its own, anyone who tells you differently is a LAIR! Without careful tending, all R's will gradually.
And, after my last outcry - today has been a good day so far. Lots of contact from W, all very positive. I know it seems strange for someone like me not seperated from my W to take such joy in regular contact during the day, but honestly, where we were a few weeks /months ago, I had forgotten just how much W brightens my day, so I try to make sure I appreciate the joy in her contact. I know that she sees and feels it in return, and it is important to her.
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