Puppy, I guess we have different views and experiences on this. I agree that the affair/feelings may eventually die, IF they agree to no contact and are both determined to stay apart. AF's wife doesnt sound at this point like a woman that would for example ignore OM's attempts to contact her. That's why I said his best chance is that HE (OM) backs off and sticks to no contact.
She is probably also fighting to win him over from his wife. Yes, I know how that makes you feel but it is the truth. And I am not here trying to stop AFWAW from exposing the affair, I made that clear and I also stated I did the same (no army issues for us of course).
Feelings dont die with orders. That's my belief and my personal experience. It is not that simple. I wish it were. My H tried to connect with me BEFORE he moved out and although I usually vent here about him, I also very often say he is a decent person that acted ...not very decently. He tried, he wanted to, no one forced him to, he struggled to "get back to me", he still couldnt do it. He was in love. He knew right from wrong, he loves our kids very much. He couldnt do it. Their affair, it seems (that's my trust issues speaking), died when it was supposed to.
Mental, emotional cost? Yep, why do you think I still post to separated? This one year took its toll on me. Financial cost? Of course I agree, and I strongly suggest to everyone here to get protected and their ducks in row as you guys say. Medical? Sure, dont have sex with your Spouse while he is in an affair. Why should you?
I told you about my personal experienece. Research? Everything I have read, says that the limerance (spelling?) phase of a R (affair or not) is the crazy period. You often talk about hormones, and I have read that as well connected to this period. People are reported to do crazy things over their lovers while in this phase only to realise later their "perfect soulmate" was made up in their head and they werent worth it. People on this board even, have spouses that realised their affair parnters were not worth it but after "the magic" period was over. Unfortunately, this phase lasts from 6 months to 2 years sometimes. K
