Stay or move?

[orangedog]

Thanks Lucky,

Separation might be a healthy thing? You mean like a sabbatical? A time to step back and refresh? Throw out the old junk and start over fresh? That's what I'm hoping for.

(robx, I know you don't agree and I still experience second thoughts about the house thing.)

W and I had a nice sit-down lunch today. I just ended a client meeting in her building so I texted and invited her out spontaneously.

We talked about my weekend and hers. Lots of drama with her sister who just went through a breakup this weekend but probably never really recovered from a divorce a few years ago. Lots of comparisons between her sitch and ours.

Both of us talked about how we were scared to be alone. It was something neither of us had ever faced in or lives. I told her, that while the sep wasn't my choice, I was using it as a time to rediscover who I was. I told her I was going to have fun with it.

She talked about how she was going through a process herself. It sounded like now that the kids were older she was discovering things she'd forgotten about herself. I told her this is part of midlife - we've been parents for so long and it's normal to reassess our roles in life. I told her one of the things I realized too was that there was suffering on her side as well and that I hoped she could find the real source within herself. I would provide support and I hoped we could talk it out more.

She said I seemed like I was happier than now than any time in the past few years. (really?) I told her I wasn't happy because we were separating but because perhaps this was the catalyst I needed to make it happen. I needed to start from 0 and rebuild. To get out of old ruts and patterns. I indeed felt like I things were changing for me.

I told her I this process was beginning for me and likely beginning for her but I hoped we could stick together through it.

We left the restaurant both holding back a tear or two (kinda laughed about it) then gave each other a big hug.