Desperate for direction

[Doingitright]

sandi/All...Here is a quick and dirty summary of what has transpired. W stated to MC that she is uncomfortable with me touching her in the simplest of ways and that she needed space. She mentioned that the other night I was touching her arm in my sleep. She mentioned that I am in the middle of the bed now and she is on the edge. This is the opposite of what I used to do. Holding hands, kissing, sitting next to each other on the couch while watching TV and many other things make her uncomfortable.

Then she mentioned she felt ticked off when I stopped saying I love you, or kissing her goodbye, hello or good morning...so she initiated it. MC said so you didn't like that he wasn't giving you what you wanted, that he was not pursuing...you missed it, yet when he is willing to give it you feel uncomfortable. Yes she said.

Quick side step...we had a huge long discussion in the car ride home. Ironically after learning how to communicate effectively. We reached our destination we calmed down and I got out of the car and said have a safe drive back home. She has this look on her face of sadness or being ticked off. I shut the door and then realized i forgot my ear piece. I reached back in to get my ear piece and she motioned to me to come in the car and she kissed me and said ILY. WHAT??????

Back to the car drive....The blow up had to do with her asking what was wrong...and we agreed with the MC we would address things at the moment at hand and not stew...so I said she could have told me about the not feeling comfortable stuff at home...early on in our sessions she asked me not to blind side her at these MC sessions as she already had anxiety going to them and I agreed, no surprises. This was then followed by her saying she does not trusting me. She said I never told her what the PI found out about her and the EA. At her moment of acknowledgment that I knew she was sending these emails she said I am so glad you are not pushing me to know why or what. I said I wouldn't ask. I said she asked me at the time not discuss further and I was OK with that and had not until today. She prodded me further so I spilled the details I could remember off the top of my head about the emails she received and sent.

Long story short...she insisted it was over and has not contacted him since...which of course she did on Friday. She said she wanted to fix the marriage...if she didn't she wouldn't be going to see MC. I said I had forgiven her and my self so I could move the process forward within me. She said she didn't believe that I was in it to stay married. I said I was in it to fix the marriage.

She said take her phone...(what I call the tool of choice for the deception)...I said no keep it. She said just make it a phone with nothing else on it. She would use the computer at home. She knows I have some kind of key logger software or something on it so it should not matter.

There were a million things more that happened in the 2 1/2 hours but that is the meat of the matter.

What are your thoughts? Anyone's thoughts?