I received emails from my H yesterday re our D7 spending time with her half sister on the weekend. me, my D and my mum are visiting friends about an hour away but I agreed that my H and SD could see D7 Sat morn for 4-5 hours and Sunday aft/eve for about 5 hours. I have not denied H access of our D in any way.
Many thanks for your email today:Fri, 8 May 2009 12:25:34
I would firstly like to reiterate that I am more than happy to facilitate D7 spending quality time with eldest D this weekend as their relationship is an important one. That said, the times that I have outlined in my previous email to you are the times that D7 will be free this weekend. I am sure that you can appreciate that I was not aware of eldest D's travel schedule until your email dated today. Unfortunately, on this particular occasion, it is going to be difficult to accommodate eldest D's travel arrangements. I would also kindly request that in the future you do not involve family members in correspondence relating directly to D7's access arrangements; this is highly inappropriate under the current circumstances.
Please do let me know if my proposal meets with your requirements. I am also happy to say that for your convenience I am not only happy to correspond through your new email details but I also have a GMAIL account below; if you would prefer to correspond via this address that would be fine.
I then received this response..........
Thank you for your reply. I am sorry to say that due to your unwillingness to negotiate a mutually agreeable time for me and eldest D to spend an appropriate length of time with D7 at the weekend eldest D has cancelled her visit. I am unable to take D7 tomorrow morning and so, I would request that you would bring her to hotel (near our house) at 5pm on Sunday. I will return her there at 8.30.This period of time on Sunday is completely inadequate for balanced care. I urge you again to consider her welfare and agree to a fair share of the day being spent with me.
I will be away on Monday but will be in touch with you about D7's care for the coming week on Monday. As for correspondence from my family to you you may rest assured that it will not be a problem. As you know eldest D's email on my behalf was due to my server problems and urgency in deciding her arrangements re seeing her sister.
I am so hurt........I do understand that he is hurt (the application for interim barring order was approved on Thursday) so of course he would feel wounded. But I had to protect me, my D and my mum in our family home. I miss his family; they have been mine for 10 years and now they detest me and want nothing to do with me.
It would be difficult to say Dondon; 18o degree? I have no faith that he has any interest in thinking that way. what I would say is that based on his current behaviour I would not take him back. If I were to consider it it would be after significant time and consistent action that would prove his commitment. In the end, that is what is lacking here; integrity and commitment. MLC???? The more I read the more that I think that it is possible; but as it has been rightly pointed out; the WAS and the MLC, at first glance, are very similar.
Am feeling stronger at the moment; a lovely night in with my beautiful d7 and my mum. boy, he is missing out on this family time..........but he doesnt even realise it.
Thanks Stuck for the lovely thought..... Have just woken up; mornings are always the hardest.
I have been hit by a few things this morning. I have carried so much hope and sense of possibility but things have turned so horribly wrong in my sitch.
I have always been a woman who believes in the commitment of marriage but how can I in my sitch.......where is the hope. I have no alternative but to believe, especially after we go through court on Thursday, that he will never come back; that he will never speak with me again except via email.
There is part of me that admits that I couldnt want a man who has done this to my family and to me. This man has
betrayed me as a wife and mother committed adultery abandoned me abandoned his D7 lied continuously for the last few months, except about how much he doesnt want to be married to me or have anything to do with me seen my mother go through her life savings in an attempt to try and help me and our D through his time as we have very little money and he has not paid any maintenance.
How can I respect him? Yet I am grieving the man that I married, who I love with all of my heart. Instead I find myself staring at the enemy and I am tormented by the heartache and the trauma that everyone that I love is going through.
Please help....I am in a sad place, in a place of bewilderment and exhaustion. I am trying so hard to keep going, to be the best mother that I can be, to be the responsible parent and be the secure stable presence in her life.
You are stronger than you give yourself credit for Shannon. Do not let him take you away from you. You can't control him and never could. You can only control you. Love yourself, with as much passion as you do him because you will be the only one to live with yourself forever! Remember that! Love your daughter. Once upon a time there was just you, Shannon. You haven't been with this man forever. You can do this!
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
Thankyou so much for your support and the post; it means so much at times like this. yes, I have to find a strength in me that is going to sustain me through this.It is so hard because i have no choice if i honour myself and my family; especially my daughter. I miss his family who are now obviously not speaking to me at all. I ams truggling with the fact that i am not the sort of person that would ever think about doing this to anyone; yet he has forced my hand; for my own dignity and respect and for what i believe to be the safety and welfare of my child and myself/family.
yes, he hasnt always been in my life........but he has for the last ten years and has been, or so I thought, my best friend and my husband. I guess i am reeling, like many others who come here, how you think that you know a person but you never do. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that he would betray us in this way. We have had struggles and conflict in our marriage but my marriage was a serious enterprise for me and I believe in love as a verb, as an action. I believe in hard work. He obviously believed in the first thing that came along that validated him away from that commitment. Yes, I am loving my daughter as best as I can, and I am trying to love myself. I have come along in leaps and bounds and I am going to be a better person because of this.
It's hard to type your name as it's my ex bestfriend husband's new GF's name. I feel you. I spent so much time and effort getting my husband here from Canada. I worked even when I was recovering from brain surgery. I tried the best I knew how to make him happy. I have since learned that I can't make anyone happy other than myself. He is the one who will have to face himself in the mirror one day when he wakes up and the fog has lifted. It will happen. Whether I will still be there remains to be seen.
It is hard losing not just your husband but the person you told everything to. How do you go to bed one night curled up next to someone and have them tell you the very next day that they aren't in love with you anymore? It baffles the brain.
You will find happiness again. You just have to open your heart up for it. Whether it is with him or not. Happiness is something you must seek out for yourself. You will find it!
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
