It's like a sick compulsion the desire for information that only hurts me. On the other hand, I pray for wisdom and discernment so how do I know if God's revealing stuff for a reason? Man, I'd love just one day of really detaching and not giving a rip what H does, how things turn out.
I used to wonder (and still do occassionally), if finding things made it easier for me to be angry and therfore back away.
As far as being completely detached, it takes time and even now I slide some. More than I'd like and probably more than I'd admit to openly.
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I waffle back and forth between is it best to keep standing for my marriage or is that demonstrating the wrong thing to the boys, to myself and to H(doormat). I tend to be a person that avoids conflict and be too self-sacrificing (H has accused me in the past of always being the martyr/the victim).
You just described me in more ways thanI'm comfortable with. When you cna stop waffling at least some, you will have some "answers" present themselves for a place of peace. I think that's when you really know what's rght for you to do. If you can break out of the self-sacrificing mode (even just a little) it will help you. I use meditation to help me with anything I'm working towards in my life. If you're adventerous, give it a shot.
Congratulations on all your positives! I know how hard one some of thiese thngs are. Exercise is one thing that allows me to clear my mind and come up with (if not solutions) viable options.
Just keep bringing it all here, there are alot of good folks with big shoulders.
