Setting Boundaries for MLC Alien H

[In Limbo]

Grace,

Confession time - I went looking for the receipt for the earrings the boys got me (they are clip ons, not pierced type and thought I could swap them w/o hurting H's feelings) and found the purse and a tiny watch. OW has tiny wrists and I do not, so I know it's not for me. The bag was from same store my earrings came from so I know when he bought them. Was I snooping, not originally, but when I saw the bag I could have just left it alone. It's like a sick compulsion the desire for information that only hurts me. On the other hand, I pray for wisdom and discernment so how do I know if God's revealing stuff for a reason? Man, I'd love just one day of really detaching and not giving a rip what H does, how things turn out.

On one level, I think I know what taking care of the boys and myself means (physically). However, I still struggle with what that means emotionally. I waffle back and forth between is it best to keep standing for my marriage or is that demonstrating the wrong thing to the boys, to myself and to H(doormat). I tend to be a person that avoids conflict and be too self-sacrificing (H has accused me in the past of always being the martyr/the victim). How do I know if it's my pride making me think standing for my M is not what I should do (thoughts like how can I allow him to do this to me, to make a fool of me, to play me/use me/manipulate me) or if it's really time to stop standing or if it's time to do something in between (like ask H for a more formal separation)? How do I know if he'sMy goodness, I bet if I go back and look through my posts it's not even like a roller coaster, but more like a yo-yo.

Enough whining, now I'll journal some positives:
Celebrating 38 lbs lost and counting PLUS now exercising at least 3 times/week!
Laughing more often, smiling more - even if it's at strangers :), reading lots, liking who I'm becoming (most days).
Still need more GAL activities, but this is a positive start.