What you have to understand is that your xh is with ow now and his behavior will reflect this. Don't feel sorry for him and don't feel like you need to save him. He may not be the man you knew but he knows what he is doing and is making the choice to act like a fool(of course he doesn't see it that way). Everyone around him sees it and eventually he will see it too. It will take a long time. It took my xh 5 yrs.(with 2 yrs. of no contact with 2 of his children) to figure out that they wanted nothing to do with his ow/now w and that he couldn't force her upon them. That is, if he has figured it out yet. I rarely post, but I see you obsessing and analyzing. Trust me, it makes no difference to him, it makes no difference in the situation. So why waste your time. I agree with the other posters....don't listen to anyone that wants to tell you about him. They are not friends. I found this out the hard way. I only say these things to you because I analyzed my xh. Looking back, I am sorry that I wasted so much precious time thinking about him. One other thing, someone else said why would you want to be his friend. I agree. You can be civil without being a friend. These mlcers/wahs don't know the meaning of being a friend. It is all one-sided. They suck you dry. They would be in it out of selfish reasons. My feeling is that a friend would apologize for treating you so poorly. Again, you can be kind without being a friend.
With regard to the fil saying he was sorry on his deathbed....I tend to agree with BH. I can understand him not apologizing to xw on her deathbed. She died only 2 yrs. after he left. He was still in his fog. But he had plenty of opportunity to tell someone about his regrets from then to the time of his death. Something like that doesn't just hit you on your deathbed. If he truly had regrets, wouldn't he have been thinking about them before? I don't presume to understand his thoughts and he may have said something before, but it just doesn't sound sincere to me. I don't understand why people keep their feelings inside and are so afraid to apologize. Isn't it better to get it out there and move on? Is it that they feel they don't have anything to apologize for or that they don't want to admit their failings?
I hate to see you agonizing over your xh's life. You have a life that needs attention too.
