Wow! well I waded through the long post and think you are doing great. It is no easy thing to take of the rose coloured spectacles. I haven't kept up with all your posts but read some. Not quite the same but my x and I had a favourite Greek island that we visited many times it was "our" place. Guess who he took. I spoke to him about it and I could tell he had no idea why I was upset,that was then ,this is now was the attitude (although we were still m) the best he could offer was "well we stayed at a different hotel"! They really do not connect the dots. I am not even sure they ever feel guilt or remorse,like people say they do. I can't believe he spoke to that lady like that!
I am sure you will find the strength and courage to do what you feel you have to. I would just look at the now,who he is now and later when you are ready you can look back and examine who he was then. I feel you need to hold on to some better things from the past otherwise it seems our whole life was a sham. You need to be truly done and strong to look back, so save it for later.
All good wishes. Be kind to yourself and take care.
