Thank you so much for the support and I will check out sandi2 to help fill the day in a more constructive way.
What have I wanted to do? I am just not really sure....I have always wanted to read alot more than I do now....I have wanted to join a book club for years. My H had always tried to get me to do things outside the home. I am more of a home body and just content in my space. The only thing I can think of that he has commented on is that I am not pro-active with my life and that is a hard pill to swallow, but the more I think of it, the more I think it is true. I have bursts of being pro-active, but I am not consistent with it.
The other thing he has said to me in the past month or so.....but not argued over...is that I have been unappreciative of the things he has done for me. For example, he bought me some books for my career and I responded with "I really would rather choose my own books for my career, but thank you". We are in the same field, but he is further along in his career. It bugged him more than I would have guessed, bc he brought it up 3 months after the fact. Even then, I apologized and said I do appreciate him.
He has been a wonderful H. Even now, he seems as torn up about this as I am. There has been no yelling, cursing, screaming, or saying mean things to each other. He just seems.......distant.......and seems he is careful about how far he wants to let me in. I am trying to not expect anything. I told him a few days ago...the last time we spoke......to just let things sit for awhile and I didn't want to talk about the R or the D. We can deal with it in a month when he comes to see me.
He seemed to become much more relaxed after that. We still only spoke for 15 min. I guess that is, at least, somthing. I am afraid to be hopeful.
It is scary to have no say in what is going on in his head. He told me he would talk to his best friend...but, still has not gone to see him yet. Why does he just want to be ALONE? I don't get it. He has been doing that for 3 months now and he has had no resolution of whatever issues he is facing.
Today, so far, has been a good day. I have had some things I need to get finished and also will be meeting a friend for a matinee and lunch. That will be a nice break from all this.
I really appreciate your kind words and it really helps to write and to read your responses. I know I have a lot of work to do on myself.
