Thank you both for your responses. The common thread to your posts is keep doing what I am doing for and with the children as they are the priority. PM, I understand about the validation of my W and you are right, I only initiate contact when I want to say goodnight to the children and nothing else. I have had so much negativity, conflict and pain to deal with that I am looking at any small grain of success to lift my mood, and the only ways at the moment are the happiness of my children and seeing/feeling my wife's actions/reactions to any interaction we have.
I know detachment, dropping the rope means taking control of your own life, but I believe if I want to re-kindle our relationship I have to monitor the DR methodology I am using as PM's analogy regarding 'roast chicken' stated, in other words experiment and see what works. I will journal my findings and tweak things where necessary, though I have to be careful in not crossing the 'doormat' line and I have to make sure I set boundaries. This is an area that concerns me because the next time an issue arises that I feel has crossed a personal boundary a conflict will ensue. I have to be able to make a stand so that I do not appear weak and unable to make a decision, irespective of what my wife thinks.
As GFI2 has also said I will continue to do what I am doing now, particularly as I am now having a lovely time with my children, and will continue to do so.
I will stop the negative thought pattern with my W and what she is doing as has been said many, many times before. I cannot control her so let her get on with whatever she is doing and move forward the best I can. You're both right in that this all takes time and I suppose if we have had a trouble-free week for the first time in 5 months, that is progress.
Thank you both, I appreciate your thoughts and views.
Mark
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
