Learning to Detach

[kjensen]

D-Funny you should mention your wife declining the kids today. I was thinking about what to do for Father's Day with my H. I'm thinking the girls are old enough that maybe they can guide the outcome. Its sad for the kids when the MLCer retracts from their parental duties.

Trapt and D-your kids will be better for the love and care you are showing them while their mothers aren't able to be there for them. I suspect as the MLCer comes back to reality there is a lot of guilt they have to deal with regarding their distance from their children.

H still hasn't told his family about our separation. H's mother called to wish me a happy mother's day this afternoon-caught me off guard-I haven't talked to her since Christmas. After we talked a bit, I said H wasn't here and I would have him call her-she said H already had---awkward..Made me kind of angry. I emailed H to let him know I talked to his mother. I also mentionned something I've been tinking about alot-that the more I thought about our active listening conversation on Monday that I felt differently about my initial response to H not feeling he could make things 'right'. I had responded to H that I didn't expect things to be righted, but now that I really had time to thnk more on it I felt that there are actually things that could be done to make our situtation more 'right'.

H called and we had a phone conversation which got slightly tense(H wasn't having a great day to begin with-and neither was I) but I got off the phone with a positive note. H later responded to my email via email..Read some of the things I said in a negative light. I tried clarifying with a very positive and supportive email..I realize now I should have just never contacted H today via email..Too late. I don't think any real harm will come of our communication, but I don't think the positive understanding I was hoping for occurred.

The kids and I went out for dinner and the girls got into a fight about who's turn it was to mow the grass(and therefore make extra money)-then the kitchen sink entered the argument! Kind of a bummer. I'm trying to teach my D11 how to do active listening, since she has the most difficulty communicating effectively with her sister and myself...

So today I was calm and nonreactive with my kids and hopefully got some positive messages across, but failed to do as well with H, at least that how it seems right now. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day..this one had some sucky parts!