I don't know where to begin....I want to know so much....how do I reach her....what can I do so that when the dust settles and she has sorted out her trauma so I can be the one she decides to be with....and how can I ensure I will still want to be that one when and if she does come around. I am so tired of her unhappiness and anger.
Does any of this have to do with her general inability to deal with stress or change, her low energy levels, depression, general fears or was some of this part of her before ? I don't know if you can help here or not, but I'm sure your exp. can shed some light here.
What does she need from me? How do I act with her? Should I wait for her, should I move on, should I pretend to move on, but really wait, or do I just let go......
I have long vascillated between anger and compassion with her....
I am getting burned out with it all. But if the dark cloud could lift from her, I'm sure she would be a much more attractive person.
Her feelings..........it seems that feelings dominate her....feelings I cannot seem to grasp....
there were times she wanted me to go with her to this dark place of despair, to understand but I was unwilling....I felt it was unhealthy to dwell as much as she did on such obviously hopeless and dark thoughts.I wish I would have listened anyway.
I am sorry things are so difficult right now. I am glad she is in counseling. That is a positive step.
I know everyone who goes through something like this deals with it differently. I stayed in a state of denial for many years before I decided to admit what happened to myself. I had many confusing emotions I did not understand where they came from - like anger and fear towards men. When I finally realized what had happened, I went through some anger, lots of sadness, frustration, etc... I also went to counseling, which helped out a lot in my healing process.
However she deals with it is specific to her. I am sure some of her depression, anger, unhappiness, etc. you mentioned could be a result of what happened to her. I am sorry you are receiving some of it indirectly. I know I tried not to let my emotions affects other people.... but it inevitably does in some way.
The anger, unhappiness, and trust issues will work themselves out with time and patience. I know for myself I didn't date for years b/c of what happened. Finally when I met my H I decided to let down my guards and give him a chance. But it wasn't easy and took a lot of courage and trust on my part. He was supportive and we took things very slow.
The best thing you can do is be supportive for her. You can do nothing to help her deal with her memories and emotions, or heal herself. She has to do the work. But being there to support and listen to her when needed is a great gift. I know having someone stick with you through such a difficult circumstance means a lot.
I hope I have given you some insight. It says a lot about your character to want to help her so much and be there for her.
Me:28, first M H: 33, second M Married: 08/08 Bomb: 10/08 H filed D and deployed: 12/08 Served: 04/09 I deploy: 07/09 Hearing date: 08/09
