The fact that you're looking back on this latest exchange in a pretty positive frame of mind is good is it not? It sounds as if you did all the things you wanted to do and achieve with and for your kids...and fulfilled their expectations in terms of what they're looking to you for - ie their Dad- a level of normality - being fed, having you play with them, being read to, showered...
Could it be though that you're still looking to your W for a level of validation and respect that she's simply not going to give...and why should she?
After all, when you strip out the fact that you stepped in and took the kids this afternoon, there's nothing that you have done that she doesn't do day-in-day-out...you were simply being a Daddy, doing things that a Daddy (or maybe Dad to your D!) does...
Did you enjoy it?
Mark -I've said this higher up in your thread - your further advancement in terms of being a father is likely going to realised by you getting your head round the responsibilities of that role and taking them on come rain or shine; regardless of your W's actions or lack of them -always, always being there for your kids and ensuring that you always carry through...
Your kids need consistency in their lives...they can deal with a lot but only if they can rely on you to be a parent, to love and care for them -in the way that you did this afternoon.
Mark - I know all too well the want / need to become "SuperDad" in an attempt to prove your worth to your W...I've been there and honestly got drawers full of T-shirts!
And also I know all too well how complicated and challenging it is to unpick a situation in your own mind where you are are "getting it" in relation your role as a father but not seeing any results or warming from your W.
Let me pose you a rhetorical question...now you are "getting it" and seeing results and getting enjoyment /satisfaction from your relationship with your kids in a way that was not there before (and doing a great job IMO!) - you wouldn't give that up or compromise that would you? Regardless of the direction your R with your W takes.
Above -you said and asked:-
"We have had one week where there has been no confrontation and reasonable communication. I just feel so frustrated with this sitch, particularly as I know patience is not my forte. Should I continue DR, GAL, 180's etc, or try and force the issue and try and get her to admit to whatever is going on?"
This is more difficult and on this I can only give you an IMO view...as this is a conundrum which causes much debate on these boards -my view - is that you stay doing what you are doing -establish the fact that you are stepping up to your responsibilities and role as a father and get that established in your W's mind but at the same time find ways of establishing the fact that you respect yourself by continuing to "get a life" and that you are working on yourself through your new found way of dealing with life ...I cannot see what a challenge to your W would achieve...save to reinforce your W's views - whatever they may be...
Mark-I think this is the stage where those well worn but trusty words of "strength, honour, patience and integrity" come into play and also especially for your kids - "consistency and reliability" not to mention - "fun"!!!
I know you want to achieve everything yesterday (!)but it can't be done...
When you look at your sitch in those quiet moments in your new garden! might I suggest that one angle is to consider those within it which are least able to help themselves and to whom you have greatest responsibility. Its the most painful thing in the world to be rejected by a person who you thought loved you and a natural reaction to seek to right the wrongs and point out this and that, but you cannot "make" that happen -that has to be a choice. Choices can only be made out of free-will...
I also see that this is now a full conflict-free week (almost)- thats a tremendous achievement!
Blimey, I have got carried away with that! Sorry...
