Wifey, I would like to thank you for your kind words and prayers. I appreciate so much you taking the time to sign in and help me with my life right now. I attempted to go and apologize last night, but he was not in. I instead wrote him an email apologizing for my behavior and for what I said. I do know that the mean things I said were not something I should have said and I immediately wanted to shove them back in my mouth after I said them.
The hurt I am feeling and the total lack of respect I am receiving pushed me over an edge. They no longer feel the need to hide that they are together any more. She parks her car at the gym in front of everyone in the town to see. This to me is disrespectful not only to me, but to my children. They have no shame and the idea that I let either one of them into my heart saddens me. I will no longer be entertaining the thought of having any form of reconciliation with my husband. It is now just a matter of him filing for the divorce. Honestly though, it will probably fall on me to do.
How do you go from sleeping in the bed with someone one night to not even having a cell phone number to contact them at the next day? I am working very hard on detaching and believe it or not it is becoming easier. Someone posted something that robx had posted in regard to the LBS possibly having lost their respect and the in love feelings they had for their spouse, but being honorable enough not to cheat and staying with the spouse because they loved them. This was me. I lost my respect for my husband a long time ago. He refused to speak my love language from a few weeks into our relationship. I accepted it and felt empty inside because of it. I would roll over many a night pleading in my head for him to hold me without him fearing he might touch my breast and I might get the wrong idea. I spent many days crying in my car feeling like a paycheck and wishing that he could just once show me he cared for me by doing something as mundane as cleaning the house or remembering something without me having to remind and nag. Making it through brain surgery and needing him to step up and get a job so that I wouldn't have to work so hard and him complaining that his job at Wal-Mart hurt his feet and him quitting because I told him I could take care of us when all I wanted was to rest. So much hurt that I put up with. So much pain that I ate and did so because I made vows and I took them to heart, just to have him and my so called best friend get into a relationship.
My life feels so surreal. I can honestly say that it is now about me and my children.
SP, please do not take my line of questioning in the manner that you did. It just always appears that there is this way that men are supposed to behave in order to get their spouse back and many of the men come in to add to it. As the LBW, I had found it difficult to figure out what I am supposed to do and reached out to you men to get an idea as I am totally clueless.
I return to being dark now. The emailed apology will be my last attempt to speak to my husband. He made his choice and when he chose to protect this woman against me, I now realize the choice will never be me again. I won't be leaving the board, but will be here to give support.
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
