I think I've come to agree with the tough love approach. B/c I couldn't respect myself much when I was such a wussy after the bomb. Plus, I do think a lot of our WAS are addicted to the OP. And I know when you have addicts, they usually recommend tough love. If you're S is an alcoholic you don't just say, oh, it was my fault you drank, keep drinking as long as you won't leave me... And about going completely dark. Well, for one thing I think that's almost impossible anyway. I've tried to but with court stuff and having kids I wind up being in contact with him almost every day, though I do try to limit to emails re: the kids. And I mean my kids talk about H frequently too, tell me stories about him, I don't encourage them at all, but just let them talk. I'm sure they do the same about me. So going absolutely dark prob. won't happen in most cases anyway.
And about going completely dark. Well, for one thing I think that's almost impossible anyway. I've tried to but with court stuff and having kids I wind up being in contact with him almost every day, though I do try to limit to emails re: the kids. And I mean my kids talk about H frequently too, tell me stories about him, I don't encourage them at all, but just let them talk. I'm sure they do the same about me. So going absolutely dark prob. won't happen in most cases anyway.