Don't really understand it. Someone said it is bundled in that whole "rejection package of emotions". When does that go away and why is it bothering me.
It bothered me because my confidence and self-esteem were rocked by her affair. Let's be honest, a cheating spouse hurts your pride. If it didn't, you didn't love her to begin with. We take pride in the things/people we love and care about. It hurts our pride when we are betrayed.
When does that go away? For me, it's when I finally realized that my ex no longer belonged on the pedestal I put her on when our M was in tact and before her affair. At one point, I considered myself the luckiest Man in the world to be married to her as I'm sure you might have felt.
It's when you realize she's human, makes mistakes, and that maybe after all these years together, you didn't know her as well as you thought. It's not so much a reflection on you, as it is on her individual choices. Those choices are not always made on sound reasoning but on more emotional levels. This is really where us LBH's beat ourselves to death trying to logically put our WAW's actions into rational context. Don't go there!
It stops 'bothering you' when you figure out you really don't have any control over a lot of things in life you thought you had control over. Her actions may have been partially your fault, but it takes two. Give her some responsibility, don't knock yourself so hard.
It stops 'bothering you' when despite her infidelity, you know that there are good and redeeming qualities about yourself that others do and will find attractive.
It stops 'bothering you' when you honestly don't care what she does, where she goes, or who she's with. That's the hardest stumbling block, but it does come to that over time.
It stops 'bothering you' when some young hottie half your age surprisingly and unexpectedly starts showing interest in you. Trust me, that happens and you don't have to look like Russell Crowe or have his bank roll for it to happen.
It stops 'bothering you' when you forgive her and yourself .
To add something from my own personal experience, I can tell you her response to you will be more positive when she realizes her actions no longer 'bother you'
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
