AFWAW, The purpose on exposure is not to punish your wife...it is to end the affair. They will get in trouble but not as bad as you expect (unless they were actually "caught in the act" on-base) which seems unfair. I doubt she would even get an ART 15. What she will probably get is an LOR, markdown on her EPR, and no medal. The will probably PCA vs PCS if her job is somewhere else on base and not considered a Special Duty assignment. Will this stop her from making SMSgt/CMSgt...probably for about 3-5 years depending if she is marked down in LEADERSHIP, JUDGEMENT, PROFESSIONAL QUALITIES...a markdown in Leadership will pretty much guarantee she will not get promoted again. I would mark her down in all three areas and give her a 4 (I would give her a 3 but would not want to explain if otherwise she has done an acceptable job, I would never rank her IMMEDIATE PROMOTE)
The PCS will depend on your join-spouse intent code if you want to stay together. I would not change it until you are actually divorced
Part of your exposure should be the OMs W...all four of them if you can find out who they are, her supervisor, her 1St Sgt and her CC and the OM 1Sgt and CC. Is she going to be ticked...oh heck yes...I will repeat the old phrase "Your marriage can survive her anger, it will not survive this affair"...and yes it will help you during the divorce...I am still waiting to hear she has spent an unknown amount of money that will get added to your marital debt and you have to pay half.
Your call...I agree with you on the punishment but you are not the one to make that call...if that is your motivation I would wait a few days and think about it...if your goal is to end the affair and see where you are at with your marriage when the 3rd person in not involved...again, with 16 years and what sounds like a promising career with great potential to be promoted I wonder if she has mental issues...alot of benefits are being put into jeopardy for little to no gain.
Take a break for the weekend although if you have filed today it would not have been to early...
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
The purpose on exposure is not to punish your wife...it is to end the affair.
I know, I don't want her to go on seeing this man--I do still love her but at this point I don't see her ever wanting to come back.
I would rather the OM just get in trouble as she has told me he has had many "relationships" outside his marriage. This perplexes me the most of all. She knows all this and still persists that she loves him--maddening. She keeps on saying that none of this would have happened if I just retired and not gone anywhere. Do I feel a little guilty about leaving--yeah, I do. Did I force her to make poor decisions? No
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
She keeps on saying that none of this would have happened if I just retired and not gone anywhere. Do I feel a little guilty about leaving--yeah, I do. Did I force her to make poor decisions? No
I call bullocks. This would have happened regardless. The only difference would have been that it would have been under your nose instead of behind your back.
Me40 WAW37 M18 T20 S18,14 D13 EA Bomb 6/08 Sep 11/20/08 Ret 08/09 Sep/Filed 11/09
AFWAW, I agree with PortlandDad on this...if you had retired she would have still had the affairs...the difference would be you are retired with much less money and possibly dependent on her for help raising your daughter instead of able to do it on your own.
The guilt you feel is normal...everyone of us feel that when we leave our loved ones behind for months and months. You have to remind yourself that the reason your daughter and the other daughters out there are able to play, school, have fun, enjoy life, everything good in life that we have in the United States is because you and people like you have deployed and protected our freedom and way of life. The reason your daughter is able to ride her bike down the street without fear of rape, kidnap, or a beating is because of your personal actions. If your price to pay for her to have that freedom is your wife is ticked off then you wear that badge with pride.
You will find another wife that you love even more than this one but you will never accomplish anything more than providing your daughter with the tools she needs to continue your family.
I am not saying your marriage is over but it is not looking good. The only way you can save it for now is to expose and end the affair...I 100 percent agree with you on punishing the OM. If you can get proof this will happen...someone in your chain of command will not accept this. But, you must remember your wife was an active participant in this and base your decisions on that...she is living the party life for now and has paid none of the bills for pain she has caused to include your daughters pain. She will have to pay this one day...you did nothing wrong. Be proud of your actions, as you should be.
She just came over to get my D. I did my best to stay busy but she kept pursuing me asking me if I was alright. I said I'm fine. She said, is this how it's going to be--us being ugly to each other? I said, I haven't been ugly to you. She said well you're not talking to me. I said, I'm busy putting away laundry. She kept on making small talk and I just kept listening without saying anything really. I didn't ignore her, I just didn't say a whole lot. She then asked if I wanted to come over for dinner. I said I don't think that's a good idea but thanks anyway. She said it's not big deal, if you want to come over I can cook for you. I said that's ok. I then went to put some more laundry away in the bedroom and my D came and said goodbye. Next thing you know, the wife is in my bedroom asking me if I was ok and could she have a hug. I said, I don't want to hug you right now. She said ok, I'm not trying to hurt you. I said ok, it doesn't appear that you're being truthful on that. She started to tear up and left. Thank God! I just don't want to see her right now. That was very, very difficult for me to turn down that hug. I cannot believe I still have feelings for this woman after all she's done to me. She may be an attention addict but at this point I'm not going to give her any.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
