I believe theres something wrong with me

[Sorrow]

Alive,

Thanks for the response and yes this all happened so fast for me, with her she has said that for that some time prior to asking for the separation she felt that we were not as connected and that she was waiting to see if that feeling came back for her before saying anything. I think that maybe if she would of said something to me instead of hiding that she was hurting we could of started working on things. She is the type of person that refuses to show that she is hurting or vulnerable to anything ever. She is a wonderful mother and woman and I'm sure she has her reasons. But if you love someone as much as you say you do wouldn't you want to try and save that? is my question.

Anyways I have found it very hard to let go of our marriage and being that we both live in a small town I do run into her on occasion and dread the day that I might see her with someone else. All though she tells me that she has never even considered that, I feel it is only a matter of time before she will feel the strain of wanting someone in her life to share things with I can't imagine that a person could go the rest of their life with no one. But then again I tell myself that I don't need to even consider trying to go through this whole trying to date build a relationship thing ever again at my age. I'm not even sure I would know where to begin.

I think it it is time for me to make some very tough decisions in my life and try to move on no matter what, but we have remained friendly with each other, there was never any fighting of any kind when all this took place I just thought, "I love her and if is what she wants/needs this is what I will do for her!" thinking it was a temp sitch and that we would get back together and all would be ok, how wrong I was. I want to be the man I once was when we met, confident, independent, and strong and this low in my life is holding me back making me feel and look needy, pathetic and useless as a man and I know that's not attractive to anyone especially her. And it sucks for me.

I think the hardest part is that I have really had no one to talk to at all about my feelings since we separated and that in it's self is very difficult holding all these emotions in I think in a large way it has held me back the most. All my friends are scattered across the country and just my 70 year old father about 50 miles away, no brothers or sisters to talk to either. She on the other hand has all her friends here and our mutual friends all see her more then me and when I do see them I don't dare talk about us knowing it will get back to her and just reinforce my pursuing her.

I have found a group that meets Wednesdays but its a bit of a drive for divorced people to meet and talk to help get through this time in my life. I can't afford a therapist at the moment.

Thanks for listening and more advice would be helpful and appreciated .


Sorrow