I checked out my verizon wireless account and H has been texting and sending pictures to another woman... i got her name and my family actually knows her family.
Im freaking out right now... he's not home and probably with her... i feel like jumping off a cliff... HOW CAN THIS BE HAPPENNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
OK, just take it slowly. Things could be worse. He didn't take the boys. You are in control of you and the boys. The first step is safety. Now, let's think about how you can take the boys to the communion they want to go to tomorrow. Live your life as you would. Don't let him rock your boat. Who can you call in the morning to get a ride?
The point is that he is very insecure. He sensed that you were thinking this is the end of the road, so he made sure he was the first one out. Doesn't matter. You are the stable one, and you are the one the kids rely on. You will hold them together.
My brother has a situation kind of similar to maybe what you are going through. Or least somew things in common to what I have heard you mention that your husband complains of. So I thought maybe it would help you understand if anything where his mind frame is at possibly.
First off if he is texting a girl and sending pictures that is wrong! There is no excuse for it.
My brother is in the process of divorce right now. When he called me to confide in his marriage he was crying. He is the sole provider for his family and military. His job does mean traveling for him time to time. So the majority of the time she is there with the kid's.
Like I said he was crying so this really was such a brutally honest to goodness way he felt as a man. She didn't give him much affection. From time to time she would tell him how hard he worked and she appreciated it. But the affection and the sexual part of his relationship really ate away at him. He would bring it up and she would get defensive or angry or somehow turn it into well he was doing this or acting this way. He said it felt like she never heard him or didn't really care. Then she would get angry and be short with him and keep it going. he said he would be hurt and angry so would lash out more. The way he viewed things is as far as working is he loves and cherishes his wife to death. He busts his butt so she can stay home and give the kid's a better life of having a mom home with them. He loves to provide the best he can for her. A nice car, clothes, house, and etc. This is for him is out of love. For him the thing he wanted more then anything is a wife that was excited when he came in the door. Would greet him with a smile or a hug or maybe a nice long welcome home kiss. He wanted a wife that would sit next to him on the couch and cuddle. Or who would reach over and hold his hand. Someone who would tell him she wanted him and lead hin off into the bedroom. Someone who would tell him he was sexy and she desired him. I guess maybe some would use the term needy. But his love language you can say is words of affirmation.
He said he felt so lonely and was miserable. This spilt into other areas. He did get short and stopped trying in other areas. He had one prime need that wasn't being met and it hurt him to the core. She wouldn't even try to change. He told me you can't imagine how easy it is for some guys to stumble upon some girl out there that comes on to you and starts being the one thing you need the most and somehow they just forget their vows. It feels to good and what you have been missing for so long. You feel justified because you have let your partner know and she turned her back to it.
He never did cheat and stayed true. But knows many men he leads that didn't do the same. He holds to high of a position to mess that up. Adultery will land you in jail there and you lose your career.
But here is where they are right now. He tried to bring it up and she got angry yet again. She did the whole not talking thing to him for almost a month. She decided to use the word divorce with him. I think in her heart she wanted to use it as maybe a wake up call or threat. But was shocked to find out what it got her. he went and took away his pay from her being able to touch it. He hired a lawyer and said if this is what you want lets get the ball rolling. He took her off being beneficiary for him. I think she fely backed in a corner after all this is what she said she wanted. He did do the right thing and took out child support to go to her. He is paying her car payment on her brand new car. And making the house payment. But her cell phone bill and credit cards and what not is all hers now. She is freaking I think and saying she wants him back. He is holding his ground that its not what he wants anymore. He loves her and wants to be with her. But not like that it hurts to bad.
I am not trying to say you are anything like her. Or make you feel worse at all. I just thought maybe it would help to hear how much affection can affect a man or feel like your in a one way sexual relationship. He said it wasn't about getting off like some women may think. But a way for him to show love and that he desired her and she was the only one he wanted to be with. It was love to him. When she didn't reciprocate it felt like a kick in the stomach. It constantly made him doubt himself as a man. it made him think all kinds of crazy thoughts to like is she cheating.
Again I thought maybe somehow or someway possibly it could help to see what really could be going on in the mind of a man in this situation.
