So you thought I had forgotten about ya, huh? Not a chance!
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Yes, I have moved from only feeling self pity and hopelessness to anger and resentment. I thought that was a natural progression in the process of grieving. But, I do not display anger or resentment when I see or talk to her, I keep things positive, upbeat, light and friendly. I may come across angry or resentful in my posts here, and that's because this is one of the only places (other than talking to my mom or brother) that I can share and release those feelings.
Well.......I think there are stages that the LBS has to get through before they can let go of what they wanted to happen and tried to "make" happen......then finally accept what has happened. Not that you have D, but I have always said that a D was like a "death" b/c it is a death of a marriage union. It is always a sad event. If you read my last post I sent to Antlers, tonight, then you read what I told about my mother. Even in a case such as hers where she had to leave and D her first H, it was "sad", even though she knew that was what she had to do. It took her time to get back in the groove of things (if I should put it like that) b/c she had to pick up the pieces of her life and move forward. She did that in a positive way, but it did not make what happen to her disappear or keep it from being a sad event.
I read where (I think it was you) that said you weren't sure how to turn your wife over to God and let Him have the job of taking care of things. Not the exact words, but was that you?
It is not easy. I think my first real experience in being totally helpless and not being able to control the situation was when my daughter, who was a very serious diabetic, was leaving home to join her H in the military. It was nothing for her to be in the hospital at least once a month and we came so close to losing her many times. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do was watch her drive away moving across the states from me. I went inside to the back room and literally fell on my face before God. I could not even pray for a while b/c I was so much in pain and worried about her and what may happen to her while she was away from me. She had always depended on me to take care of her when she was sick. There is a scripture about when we are so grieved that we cannot mutter a word that the Holy Spirit interceeds for us.......well, that was what He had to do for me. I was crying so hard I could not speak a word. I knew there was NOTHING.....absolutely nothing I could do to "fix" the situation. It was what it was! I knew that I had to trust God to take care of her and that I had to turn her over.....completely over to Him to do take charge or I would lose my mind. I don't know how long I laid there, but when I got up, I felt peace in my body and soul. I knew that I had given it all over to God. That is not to say that you don't ever "care" about what is going on, but you know it is in His hands and it is His responsibility to handle. And....you, in the meantime, go on about living. You don't wring your hands and cry and worry and wonder "what if", etc.
I still believe if you can do this where your wife is concerned and drop the rope (which is really giving her over to God) and move on with life........you will have peace and you will be happy in spite of how this appear at this time. Let God work it out. You can't.
I know you have all the right arguments about the kids and the vows and all of that.......but it is what it is and you can't change it. So, let God take it, okay.
Love ya, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
