D1 was doing good this morning. I picked her up and she put her chin on my shoulder, opened her mouth, and went "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah" for about 2 minutes and then laughing.
I gave her a kiss, put her down, and when I told her bye she started crying. I really hate leaving in the mornings, but I will get her tomorrow so that will be good.
Meeting with L went well. I discussed my long-term strategy and he was on the same page and gave me some homework assignments to get an additional lick in at the hearing. W's attorney hasn't filed a response to my motion and it has been over a month. I imagine she didn't sign up for this.
So I reflect on how I got here... I first encouraged W to seek help (counseling/therapy) which precipitated our separation. Her "raging" incident that night prompted me to take her house key and begin segregating myself from her.
We are still legally married... and probably will be for some time. All I've really asked for from the D process is the right to be a part of raising my daughter. There is no valid reason W has outside of spite and vindictiveness not to allow that.
Yet she fired the first shot. Now it almost seems as if she has lost interest in doing anything outside of talking trash about me to anyone who will listen.
Of course my L told me, I'm in a position now where I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I'm not going to get less time with D1 than I have now. Worst-case scenario I get the standard visitation in the end, which leaves me with about the same I have now. I think my L is the understater of the year though, he always acts like "maybe" I've got enough to overcome her inherent 10 point advantage for being a woman in regard to custody. I've got more than anyone ever has - but I think he doesn't want me to become arrogant or overconfident.
I just have steadfast determination and unshakable faith that things will turn out as they should. I don't know what the future holds, with or without W, I know I'll be there as much as I can be for D1.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
It sounds like you have a good L and I am so glad that he he is not promising the moon. That is a sure sign of some shyster like my dumb-@ss ex hired.
His first L was sane and so ex fired him and hired a so-called "shark". All that did was make him look stupid because ours should have been an unremarkable case. And boy, was he surprised when the judge ruled against him. Even this L terminated his dealings with my h as soon as the gavel was brought down to end our M.
Also, have I told you how much I enjoy reading your journaling about you and your daughter? It really brightens my day to see such a loving dad.
It sounds like you have a good L and I am so glad that he he is not promising the moon. That is a sure sign of some shyster like my dumb-@ss ex hired.
Good and expensive at least. They seem very knowledgeable about the system and what I'm dealing with, and really I only have everything to gain at this point. I imagine things will hit the fan soon as I'm the one escalating this one - and rapidly. I think W's attorney isn't getting paid or something as she just seems to be trucking along just enough to keep things rolling.
Originally Posted By: Kimmie Lee
Also, have I told you how much I enjoy reading your journaling about you and your daughter? It really brightens my day to see such a loving dad.
When this mess first started and I was lost, seeing her in the mornings put the joy into my step and helped me get through the day. I love all my children, but I guess there is something about my daughter that melts my heart. She is an extremely happy baby. Not sure why W feels the need to shut me out.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
Today went well. Pickup was uneventful outside of W/MIL bragging about some toy W had purchased. I suppose it is okay to be bats**t insane as long as you buy toys.
Took S8, S7, D1 to my office and knocked out some work I had scheduled for the weekend. D1 was walking up and down the hallway squealing as my boys chased each other back and forth past her.
Took them out to eat, then bought D1 some milk and butter cookies for an afternoon snack. She had a blast with that as well. My aunt had bought her a toy tea party thing that had fake teapot/teacups/tea cakes and she and the boys played with that quite a bit as well.
W/MIL picked her up, and I sent some new outfits for D1 with them. They didn't say goodbye really, but that was fine.
After they left I took the boys to see the new Star Trek movie, and we got back from that around 7.
Good day overall... although I still grieve emotionally that I'm at this point having to take the actions I'm taking just to get what I should have had to begin with.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
Today was difficult. Being Mother's Day and all, I didn't expect W to ask about S7/S8 despite the fact she has been involved in their lives more than their biological mother was, and had them calling her "mommy" while expressing a desire to adopt them since before we got married.
She didn't disappoint. I haven't heard a peep out of her, and while I understand it is probably not a good thing to set up these mental tests for a wayward to fail - it still stings.
I just don't understand the emotional cutoff. I don't think I'm meant to. I just know my boys deserve better. I just wish things were different.
I did get some adorable pictures of D1 yesterday though... and did a lot of work today to get prepared for the hearing.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
D1 was doing great this morning. She was in her high chair eating a cheese biscuit and naturally as soon as she sees me she starts giving me that "if you don't pick me up I'm going to throw my food until you do" look and begins tossing pieces of biscuit in between reaching out to me.
We played for a bit, but she loaded up her diaper for me and I had to change her. I figured out the worst words to say to her, when I said "bye bye" she started crying and reaching up at me. So I held her and she laid her head on my shoulder and started going "da da da da da."
Tomorrow is the psych hearing. I've got a few additional surprises prepared to unload, but assuming W possibly could find this I will wait until after the hearing to post details. Wish me luck.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
That was quick. W didn't bother showing up, her attorney sent a stand-in to request a continuance, the judge said no and asked a few questions to both attorneys. Objections included:
Attorney: "Your honor this documentation of self mutilation is from when she was a teen." Judge: "I've got her birthday right here, she's only 22 now."
Attorney: "Your honor all sorts of allegations fly around during a divorce" Judge: "That's true."
Attorney: "Your honor I don't know anything about this." *five minutes later after objecting with a lot of knowledge about it.* Judge: "For someone who doesn't know anything about it you sure seem to know an awful lot."
So... not sure what the judge is going to order, but he asked my attorneys if we had all of this evidence backing up my affidavit and they said yes. He didn't even ask to see the evidence, but W's stand-in virtually admitted that she had a prior history of self-mutilation, so I can't see how the judge can ignore it.
We are still baking some additional surprises, and whether or not the judge orders an evaluation I have a game plan to go forward.
I imagine I made a better impression anyway. It was also probably kind of telling that W didn't even show, probably because her attorney figured that she wouldn't do well on the stand.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
Still praying for your sitch, DC. Specifically that you and your atty would find favor with Hizzoner, and that he would rule the way is best for your daughter.
They seem very knowledgeable about the system and what I'm dealing with, and really I only have everything to gain at this point. I imagine things will hit the fan soon as I'm the one escalating this one - and rapidly. I think W's attorney isn't getting paid or something as she just seems to be trucking along just enough to keep things rolling.