Renee, Each and every poster that is on this board has had a spouse that had the switch flipped to the opposite personality. Some do walk away and never look back, some walk away, but aren't secure in leaving, so they waffle, had sex and continue to have a toe in both ponds, i.e., home and life out on the street. Others walk around confused, hoping that you will opt to divorce them because they don't want to look like the bad guys, etc. Some have absolutely no contact w/their children for many years and others will stay in touch w/one child and not the other. It all depends upon the person and their issues. But, the bottom line is this, your xh is not the first one to do this nor will he be the last.
This board has grown by leaps and bounds since I came here in January of 2000. Why? Most likely baby boomers are hitting that mid-life time and realize that life isn't as disposable as they thought. They need to hurry and run back in time to see if they actually did miss something along the way. What they missed was actually growing up, something we cannot assist them in doing. What you can do is take care of yourself and your family because your xh isn't going to be there to help you in any way. He's moved on to a new life that doesn't include you right now. I'm sorry, I really do not mean to be blunt, but you've allowed him and his future bride entirely too much space in your head and they aren't even tenants paying rent. Toss them out for a while, enjoy Mother's Day w/your son and nephew and thank the dear Lord that you are alive and able to spend quality time w/them.
When we first come to this board, we all thought our stories were unique and different from what we had begun to read, but the bottom line is this....they all have a copy of the script and almost take it word for word, i.e., like robots. What we all have had to do is work through the denial, anger and grief and find our balance some how. We have had to learn to be independent and be single again. We have had to learn to rely on no one but ourselves and God to get us through each and every day. It's going to be one minute at a time, one hour at a time and then one day at a time. As you progress, the time will increase and you will begin to enjoy life again.
Renee, each situation is different. Yes, some situations are very similiar but the key ingredient is issues. Please do not try to make any of the situations that you are reading "fit" your situation. It won't work. If and when your xh opts to contact you, you will need to find a way to not come across as needy. You will need to listen, validate and understand, he doesn't want to hear how hard you have it. If you start in on him about his future wife, what he's doing w/his life, what you think he should be doing or not doing, he will distance himself from you again. If you are attempting to have a decent relationship w/him, you are going to have to change the way you communicate w/him. You are going to have learn to speak to him just as you would a friend, mailman, delivery person...no expectations, no complaining unless he asks you about something. Just remember...YOU ARE NOT HIS MOTHER!
Renee, I strongly urge you to speak to your priest and/or minister about your situation. They are there to listen and be there for support. He may just very well be able to point you in the right direction for assistance. Do not be afraid to reach out to him. He is there to do God's work. Please allow God to do his work and stop grabbing the darn wheel back and driving to drive the bus. For you, there is no way around the pain and heartache...you have to walk through that wall of sorrow to get to the other side.
Try to have a pleasant Mother's Day w/your son and nephew.
