Slowly but surely - detach and 180

[hopefulinEG]

Saw W at family lunch at DD School today. Still hostile. Mostly cordial but the when we actually discuss something she gets hostile.

Today it was what time she will drop the girls off on Mothers day. I sent her an e-mail that I might have to work in the morning and what time had she planned to drop them off. Could she be flexible or did she have something else she was doing. She hadn't responded so when I saw her I asked her about it. She reminded me that I was supposed to get back to her about a brunch I might take the girls to and what time and I hadn't yet. We went around with me asking if it was OK and could she be flexible and her saying I was supposed to get back at her. I finally said. So Yes or No can you be flexible or do you have plans. She said very exacerbated "YES". I guess she expected me to assume that from what she was saying but I don't want to assume because that will also get me in trouble. I think that is one of our communication issues. She doesn't give a definitive answer yes or no to things and expects me to figure it out from other things she says. I think at the councilor I will raise it as something we could work on.

This is how I want to say it.

I want to ask if when we discuss schedules and such that you could say a difinitive yes or no. I didn't hear that in our discussion Friday and I don't want to make assumptions about what you mean.

How does that sound? I know that I can't control wether she gets defensive but I can at least try to not make it sound like she did something wrong.