Temptation, lust and relationship parasites are what is destroying Dan and his marriage to you. Until he can curtail those cold turkey and love himself and his god, Dan has no hope in loving you as he really should.
Does he really want to practice his faith as the bible says or is he just attending church as part of an act? I so hope your pastor grabs hold of him and asks him some hard questions and makes him wake up to see that his sexual deviances are the main reason his marriage and his very soul is going off a cliff. If Dan believes in his faith, surely he must know that he is going to be judged some day for his indescretions and he is not living his life to a standard that would meet with his gods approval.
Possibly the reason he wakes up every day and wants to die and that he feels that he can never be happy is that he is torn betweeen 2 conflicting lifestyles - that of a sexual diversion and that of an honorable loving family man.
WOW Kerry! I missed this as I was posting at the same time...
I agree 100% with what you said. The Pastor actually asked me "Why does your husband come to church?". I told him that Dan was raised going to church (Missouri Synod), that he professed to be a christian, had been baptized, confirmed, etc etc. But he also said he could not deal with the MO Synod b/c at his childhood church, God was seen as gloom-and-doom, punisher, all of us were terrible sinners, etc etc.
We do have to be accountable for our actions but Dan was not raised with the concept of a loving, forgiving God. Our years in church since we got married (non-denominational Christian) have changed that. However, my pastor said it is hard to get out of you the theology that you were raised with, so he likely does have a view that God is "out to get/punish him", so to speak.
And the pastor said, which we all know, that just going to church every week does not make you a believer. He said some people have "church-ianity" instead of "christianity". In other words, they have a routine of going to church, but not a relationship with Jesus Christ. He said he would like to meet with Dan and talk about that, along with the pornography issue.
Kerry I think you are dead-on. He is miserable because he is torn between two divergent lifestyles. He does not know how to live without either. But he is going to have to. And unfortunately at this point, he is dangerously close to losing the 'honorable loving family man/husband' life, which does not leave him with a very good alternative.
