Not making any progress at all R. If anything H is getting more entrenched in his anger. I`m not sure why that is. Maybe he doesn`t like me being happy. Maybe he doesn`t like the fact that I`m going to a dinner dance without him this Saturday(Yes, I asked if he wanted a ticket;he said No). Or that I`ve started bringing home my work laptop to surf on(he used to check up on what I was doing on the PC). Or that we`ve got two wedding invites in the post and while I`d take him along, he probably doesn`t want to take me. I can go alone too. I`m okay with that. Whatever. Anyway he`s back to not even saying Goodbye in the mornings and refuses to eat the dinner I`ve left for him.I asked him if he got wet during his bike ride the other night(out of concern) he said no and the kids said Yes Dad you did! (Didn`t want to admit it to me. Silly stuff)
So maybe I won`t bust this divorce. We`ll hang out like this maybe til the kids reach college(another ten years)I don`t have the heart to take him away from the kids and boot him out or leave myself.
And in lots of ways at this point(thanks to my detaching myself from him through LRT) I`m living a much fuller happier life. Don`t know if I ever can love him anymore but I sure am happy being me.
I`m re reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. It`s one terrific book especially for this point in my life. It just gets me stuck into what/where/how I`m at right NOW. And the answer to what things are like right now is that life is good! There are so many incredible things going on all around me!I`m meditating and back doing yoga again too. Just what I need to haul me (gently!) up by the bootstraps.
Yes, I`d love a loving relationship with another man but hey,who`s life is perfect? I`m very careful to tell my kids I love them and spend time with them and they do, despite evidence of a loving relationship between their parents, seem okay. I sure hope so. I do try not to worry about that-what is the point?-but I hope they are not too badly affected by all of this.
This week I focussed on being unpredictable-stuff H could see and some stuff just for me. Just having fun being different. Changing my daily routine.Have to plan of action to dig me out of this cheeseless tunnel next week. Dunno even if it is a cheeseless tunel;H seems to have a bizarre mindset that I must suffer and feel his pain in order for him to like, and then condemn me.
