Leap of Faith

[AliSuddenly]

What if you told him you love and accept him and want to stay M to him, REGARDLESS of his predliction for S&M (because thats what it is), but that you need to find ways to negotiate some boudaries over it....eg

- you accept this is a part of his sexual nature and isnt likely to change
- he speaks to a pyschosexual counsellor to see if he can unravel the causes
- he limits his spending on viewing this type of stuff
- he DOESNT take it outside of the M anymore

I dont think couples counselling is the issue, the issue is in Dan. I feel you may be underestimating that, thats why I suggested you call a pyschotherapist for yourself, to gather information about it, be better informed. Thats what my sister did (but eventually, had to lovingly walkaway). I wonder if this isnt about acceptance and not about hoping he will "stop" as you say above.