AFWAW...I'm sorry this has happened to you, but please please just begin moving on. Please also (and any one else out there in his shoes) read the book Starting Over by John Gray. There is a lot of emotional healing that you need to do, and it needs your attention. You can't just sit back and expect the healing to come on its own. It is a process which requires your active participation, and the painful parts will be over faster if you just delve right into it.
Please don't ever EVER have another conversation with her about "what she wants" EVER again. This is now not what any of this is about. She wants a train-wreck to come crashing down her world, that's what she wants, and she's about to get it.
And if it helps you to know this, let me just say it: her heart is going to be smashed to pieces when she gets dumped by the OM and she really realizes that the "love" she felt for him was just a puff of smoke in a mirror...she will feel like a pile of dung....and THEN after the pain of THAT wears off, she will look in the real mirror and realize what she's really done to YOU and her daughter and the extended family. In one moment, she will be all at once aware of what she has really done. Right now, she says things like "oh what have I done, how could you forgive me, I am horrible" but this is not true understanding on her part, its just fog-babble. Later, when the real truth really hits her, she will go through what you are going through now. Please don't doubt me on that one....there is nothing anyone can do to save her from that eventual outcome.
I'm so sad for you....but please do get that book.....
