Newly separated...spouse left, 3rd thread

[antlers]

In a business book by James C. Collins called Good to Great, Collins writes about a conversation he had with Stockdale regarding his coping strategy during his period in the Vietnamese POW camp.[3]

"I never lost faith in the end of the story, I never doubted not only that I would get out, but also that I would prevail in the end and turn the experience into the defining event of my life, which, in retrospect, I would not trade."[4]

When Collins asked who didn't make it out, Stockdale replied:

"Oh, that’s easy, the optimists. Oh, they were the ones who said, 'We're going to be out by Christmas.' And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they'd say, 'We're going to be out by Easter.' And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart."[5]

Stockdale then added:

"This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end—which you can never afford to lose—with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”[6]

Witnessing this philosophy of duality, Collins went on to describe it as the Stockdale Paradox.

Stockdale spent 7 years as a POW. Enduring much worse physical, emotional, psychological stress than we can imagine. Faith is what keeps you going, he had no idea what was being done on his behalf - wife, military, government yet he stayed true to his values regardless. Faith that you come out the other side as a better man. Then confronting the reality allows you come up with a plan to cope. Doesn't mean you don't have fear but that you are handling it. Expectations over things you had no control over literally killed the "optimists."
I had no idea how my sitch would turn out but I knew what was at stake and that I would take action to persevere and thrive under a stressful situation. I did not get to that point right away, I had to go thru my emotions and deal with my issues first. I did it for myself, my W, and my family. How I handled myself mattered to me.
Cheers

Thanks Coach! Let me ponder this some more...then I'll respond later.