I'm not Gucci, but I'd like to chime in anyway. I don't think that men and women should follow the same gameplan. Haven't you ever notice how many men grovel and crawl when they are kicked decisively to the curb? I've noticed on this site that there are gobs of understanding women that are willing to overlook the affair, even sleep with their husband, if they are just willing to give them another chance. What they should have done (in my opinion) is do what non-DBing women do naturally all of the time...kick the cheater to the curb. Guys want what they can't have...not what is thrown in desperation at them. You say, "No more" to a guy and he suddenly has to prove to himself he can have you again. Be "little Miss Understanding I was wrong to treat you so badly so I can see why you strayed" and you will appear much less attractive than the OW.
For men, maybe the kicking to the curb doesn't have to be as in your face, but I still think that a guy has to have a "I don't want to be with someone that is cheating on me" attitude, and let her know that it's so, especially through his actions. The actions should be of a person moving forward just fine without her. No butt kissing. No going out of the way to show how he's changed. Just make the changes...be the more attractive option, but don't flaunt it. For the moment, consider yourself too good for her. Work on your issues. Make the life you'd like for yourself. And then reap the rewards of your new life. If the cheating spouse still prefers the OM, it's her loss. And then the cheated on guy can't be a wuss about what he needs from his wife, should she choose to come back...and that is transparency, an end to any contact with OM, and a willingness to make her own changes to make the marriage work.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
