PM Thread #5 - Hope new plan works

[Can it work]

Hi PM,

I'll try and explain that fear of going back comment a bit further.

If it was me in your H's shoes and I wanted to come home I would be asking myself questions such as, if it didn't work out the first time, why should it now? How can things ever be the same after what I've done? In the past before becoming a LBS myself I would be asking myself these very questions if I'd left my partner.

This is why I believe that DBing has to be a gradual process where issues are sorted out before final reconcilliation. I know for a fact my old M is dead; as is yours. I wouldn't want that M back to be honest and with the person you seem to have become, I'd doubt you'd want yours back either. In that sense it's not so much a reconcilliation we're looking for but a new beginning. A WAS might not see it the same way we do though. In a way, they're surprised by our new changes. They expect everything in their old life to remain the same but WE are not the same. We've improved ourselves for ourselves. I would find it odd if they didn't find some fear or trepidation in being with this new person.

So, to begin with, we must create an entirely new relationship with the person we already love. It starts with the first date, the first kiss, and so on. Our WAS have to get to know the new us and learn to appreciate the people we've become. That's their cross to bear. That is where I believe their fear will come from.

I hope that's slightly clearer?

Kev