Desperate for direction

[Doingitright]

sandi2
Me 42, W 36, D9 S5, together 15 years,married 12 will be 13 shortly.

Your post was the best information I have received in 12 weeks and hundreds of posts on many different sites to try and get insight and you did it in one post. I actually got choked up reading your message.

I read about the sadness over the loss of the EA and have tried to be there for her. It was and is very hard. We do not talk about it. When I confronted her she said she was so very happy I was not pushing to get all the details. So I left it at that. I have some details from snooping that are burned in my brain and just keep haunting me. Snooping came into play when we said we were getting a D as soon as possible. That train stopped when I returned from a trip. W said she did not want to D and wanted to go to MC for the kids sake.

It has been so hard to do some of the things in DR as I sit back and see many of them pushing her away. A few have tweaked her in a good way however. And for that I am happy.

We did see a regular MC and it went very badly. It took forever to get appoints and then he wrote off the marriage pretty fast when I went. Saying no attraction no marriage. Sent me to a psychiatrist to see if I was depressed and he said nope. W went to the MC and he asked if there were not kids would W still be married, she said nope and relayed that to me very proudly as another reason to separate. He recommended that she see a psychiatrist and gave her a prescription for some "drugs" (W never said what kind) and never got it filled. W was pissed that she was being sent to see a PS and I was cleared of depression to a point of yelling at me with anger. She did not go. After that night we went into a tail spin for several weeks.

Right now she has said several times that she has anxiety over going to the MC. She said he asks hard questions and she worries about what to say. She asked if I wanted to go by my self and I said no, we were in this together. W said good as she would not feel comfortable with me talking about her privately with him. It would give her even more anxiety.

Our current (and very good) MC is pro marriage, Christian based. In just 2 sessions we have come a long way in relative terms(as the road so damn long).

Again thank you for your post. It has made a huge difference.