Is there anyway you can take a nice long walk before the drive? I always find that calming. I know your nerves are just screaming. It's hard to stop the comparisons, but keep working at it. Afterall, there is absolutely no better you anywhere in the universe.
Btw, there are no wimps here. We all do the best we can for as long as we can. When we know better we do better. That's all there is. Of course your "expectations" of the weekend are getting in your way. Make no mistake they are expectations, but that doesn't mean you can just put them aside. I like to expect the best and plan for the worst. So far (mostly), it works for me.
One of the things we told our D's was that "sometimes is a marriage there are frustrations and unhappiness and it needs to be worked out before things can get any better". While it let him off the hook I suppose, I didn't (and still don't) see any reason to say "Dad's not happy and has to go find himself and fall in love again and make somthing of his life". Do they know the truth of it? Probably more than even I am aware (they are 16 and 14). When I was asked once, I said that there were two adults (arguably) involved and both were to blame and that I was sorry.
It's hard and it sux, but you are so much stronger than you kow.
