PM Thread #5 - Hope new plan works

[PositivelyMommy]

PM,

Congratulations on the meeting. It sounds as though you did brilliantly. Well done! From your post it didn't even sound as though you were too conflicted during the session and that you'd definitely gone past the acting 'as if' stage. That shows real strength of character and conviction. Kudos to you!

Hey Kev,

Thanks for your help before the meeting, it really brought my theme together, no guilt, get through it, so he will be free to come back and get through his own actions and bad decisions. That's really set the tone for my attitude, I think. You are right, I wasn't conflicted at all. I think enough time has passed and I have dug into myself enough to know what I want and am clear as to my direction so I was not torn.

I'm trying to put myself in your H's place right now and must admit I'm finding it difficult. The fact he noticed and commented on how good you looked just goes to show that he's beginning to lose some of the WAS traits. When he says things like that you can bet that he means them. I'm going to go out on a limb here and make a bit of an assumption. As a guy, the way you describe your H's actions sounds very much like he now feels trapped with OW.

I hope you are right, Kev. I really hope he feels trapped with her. All I know is he is not ultra happy, living the carefree life that he has envisioned.

I don't know what kind of R they have but I've got a feeling she is controlling his actions to a certain extent. In doing this she is obviously your main hurdle.

I know she won't let go easily. I know they have some kind of co-dependent R going on. Both unhappy, both working together on same projects (he is her boss), both seeing each other night and day. It's not like she is going to meet anyone else soon. So she will be hanging on for dear life. But that might just be enough for a turnoff for H since all he wants now is LESS responsibility and trouble, not MORE.

Your H will be feeling a fear of going back.

Why is this Kev, can you explain? Do you mean that he is scared of coming back to me and things won't work out?

You also managed to let him know that you're not willing to wait forever though by mentioning the possibility of moving back home and getting remarried. That must have knocked him back a bit?

I think he has thought about it but since I never voiced it it might have shocked him, yes. I think he thinks that I would have a very difficult time finding a new partner in life because I would be a certain age, with two small children. What kind of man could manage so much responsibility at the beginning of an R. It would indeed be a very special one, I think. I don't know, I am a pretty special woman and now I am strong again and attractive (if I do say so myself, hehe) so I think it would be a matter of being in the right place at the right time. However, in my imagination, it is a definite possibility and you know I am a woman of action so I will NOT wait around. I have plans and lists and will be active in looking for a new long-term companion when the time is right and when I am ready.

Love for it to be H since I don't believe in D and believe my vows but I can't make this M work alone, it does take two.

Anyway, I fully believe now that your H won't need too much encouragement to come back to you if only he could find a way to get shot of OW.

Wow Kev, I do hope you are right. I can't see it myself, maybe because I am too close to the situation but H and I really haven't talked about OW so I really don't know how their R is. But from my text I know him dictating to her CANNOT be a good thing for a R. It will cause friction. I also know that H is not truly happy and him being grumpy all the time will bound to affect the R as well.

I think now he is coming down from the endorphin highs, the 'honeymoon period', for her as well. We will see how this plays out. This is what I have been waiting for one year now!