"Blessings to all I know, and even those that I don't. I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out." I like this motto, h4h. I also like SUgar's: Do the right thing, not because it easy, but because its the right thing to do.
I will put the last email I sent you on here:
H4h,
Yeah...I know how you can talk and have it all figured out......and then something "just happens". Or, it was inevitable...right? Just be careful, because if you really want to do the right thing, you are truly putting yourself in situations that will make it difficult for you to do just that, and then you will be saying it "just happened" and it was "inevitable" again, and making excuses or even saying "there is no excuse" but bottom line it will have happened.
I'm glad you have friends that would like to hang out with you. I hope that some of them are guys.
"Someone that wants to be with you, not needs to be" (you said this).....I could have said that when I was at the worst in my marriage, starting the affair. It's those wonderful new relationship feelings. They ARE wonderful. I, just last night, watched the repeat Friends episode where Monica freaks a bit because she realizes she won't have those beginning love feelings anymore, that she will be married to Chandler and that's it. Those feelings are great, but that's what they are...beginning relationship excitement. Once your divorced you can get all the love you want...seems as if it is all over the place for you.
Whether you have mourned the loss already or not, I don't see how making it final doesn't have an effect on you. If you feel as if you are "done" with Clarissa, file the papers. I was thinking that with her, the best chance you would get is when you got to the divorce point......and now that you are here, you give up? I don't want to hear that she gave up on you.......She already admitted grass is not greener, and she actually asked you if you wanted a divorce, and she cried. That doesn't sound like someone finally happy to be with the man she loves. Maybe that would have been the time to say, "NO! I don't want a divorce, why not try Retrouvaille with me, and repair the marriage with me, and not give up on the commitment and love we professed to each other in marriage?" She may again say, no, but it would be the right thing to do. It's not over, until it's over.
The whole thing is sad.....She's probably thinking how you are better off because you deserve to be with someone that loves you like you should be loved......
