Setting Boundaries for MLC Alien H

[In Limbo]

Sandi,

Great to hear from you! I agree that we need to tell the boys. I am going to ask H for us to do that Sunday. I dread telling them but I also want my children to trust me and the current situation is not building trust. Over the last year, H has been leaving before they get up and coming home after their in bed, so they have just assumed that's what's going on now and I haven't corrected them. But they may know he's really not coming home and just be afraid to say anything.

I think you're right too about set times with the boys. He's using the weekends now since he's home every weekend, but I think that needs to change. If he's going to continue to not only go wherever he wants all week (including seeing OW) but also do his own thing on the weekends, then why the heck should I allow him to live at home? The whole point of being home on weekends was to spend time with the kids and with me and see if there was any hope for R. If he's communicating with OW, going out Saturday night (I assume with OW, but can't prove it) then what's the point?

I woke up this morning worried about the weekend. One of the things H always says (classic MLC) is that we don't have anything in common anymore. Tomorrow we have a 2 hour drive together and I find myself dreading the conversation. I feel like every conversation is being graded. Was I funny, was there a connection, did I avoid R/OW talk, was it interesting, etc. Also, I feel like I'm being constantly compared to how he feels when he talks to / sees OW. If we don't talk, it just reinforces his claim. So last night I was feeling like I'd taken a step forward with detaching and this morning I'm feeling like during the night I ran a mile backwards. Somebody needs to invent a detachment drug - take two and feel nothing anymore for the MLC spouse.

Take care of yourself Sandi!