Donna thanks for that. Discipline or better said lack of it, has been my problem for years... That's something I should work on now. Need to review my "to do list" and stop avoiding doing all the things I must do: Lose weight Boob job Lasik
Dear God!! do I sound like WAW or what? Seriously, that's my biggest issue:discipline.
Rob, dont be too hard on yourself. I feel you are lonely, am I right? Like you are "on hold" or something. I cant explain it. Dont worry. Enjoy the down time before you get your hands busy again (and other parts of your body-LOL!!!)... Love ya K
I too have some of the same items on my to-do list - except the boob job! I've been working on repeating to myself "Do what you are supposed to do, when you are supposed to do it, regardless of how you feel about it at the time" and it has helped me to be much more productive both here at work and at home.
I'm going to keep with this as it is working and really helping me to focus on doing things for me.
As for your other comments, yes, I am a bit lonely right now and I do feel like my life is on hold. So, I'll be in this pattern for a bit longer, but as long as I'm still exercising and taking care of my priorities (by enforcing self-discipline), I'll be able to get through it just fine.
I know you've said before that my XW will really be ticked off when I start dating someone I really like. Well, I had an old profile from "Match" printed off and in my stack of things on my desk. This weekend, I was looking for something and D saw this profile and began saying "Daddy's got a girlfriend! Daddy's got a girlfriend!"
It was cute, but also sad in a way. I know the day will come, but I'm not ready for it now.
It is so smart of you to realize that you aren't there yet. Yes the time will come. The one thing you certainly don't need right now is a band aid. You need to heal and feel good on your own first.
I think several of us are working towards that. So glad to know that I am not alone. It is so hard to believe it has been 9 months...I could have had a baby by now. lol
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I called for D and XW answered the phone as she was out walking the dog. What happened next floored me!
First she told me that she had broken up w/BF and explained why. He had been kind of crappy w/her and she then said "that was a big reason why I was so angry toward you...that and I had to work through some things."
She continued to say she'd found a new therapist who was "much, much better than my last one" and this therapist has her working through things in her past.
Anyway, the shocking part is she APOLOGIZED to me. She said "I'm sorry for being angry at you. I'm sorry that we haven't gotten along because of how I treated you. There are a ton of things I could apologize to you for, but I am sorry and I just hope you can forgive me or move past this. Please know I am not angry any more. I've been able to work through it."
Where was this therapist when I was still married? I could have saved my marriage if she had someone to get her to look inward sooner. In any event, it is better late than never, right?
She even said she's "no longer angry over the pensions" and for us to "just go ahead and get it done." I'll be sending her some stuff in the next few days to capitalize on this and get this finalized once and for all.
So, it was a shocker. I've been waiting to hear her apologize, but I do have to say it is bitter-sweet. I do feel a little vindicated, I guess, but I also am saddened by her apologizing NOW instead of when we could have saved our family.
I hope this work will continue and she'll keep going forward and be happy for her and for Grace.
Yes, I'm glad I'm not rushing into anything either. I'm open to dating, but not ready to fall in love or be in something ultra serious. I've got plenty of time for that in due time.
It is difficult to believe that so much time has gone by already. Time seemed to crawl at first, but now it seems to move too quickly at times.
As you know, my X also had her moment of apology brought on by her seeing a counselor - and she wanted a second chance. I dont dwell on it as it is too late to be thinking things like "why could she not have figured this out before treating me like dirt?"
The important thing is that she now appears to hopefully being able to coparent in a much more friendly manner with you. And you can wrap up the remainder of the financial without bumping heads anymore.
I still wonder what it will be like when you find your next sweetheart. Will your XW be happy for you or will she be jealous? Spin the wheel and pick a number.
Hmmm, well, OK, I have to admit she did ONE thing right. ONE!! But if it is sincere it's HUGE!. If the tension can eliminate between you and you co-parent in a loving way, THAT will make a big difference in your every day life and the way of looking at things. The feeling of always having to watch your back can be exhausting. Still, I would be a little bit cautious. Love ya K
Hey Rob, Frustrating and bittersweet indeed - though I would suggest that you stay guarded and not allow yourself to get too lulled in by her reduced anger. Perhaps I'm just jaded, but whenever my STBX is kind or shifts toward a kinder tone it tends to lead toward something negative. That said, I've not gotten any kind of apologies from her - and though I think it may eventually happen, I just don't know if I would be able to look past all the things that I've realized about her/me/us since she left...
How are you doing with your goals and your attention to discipline? Doing what you have to do when you have to do it, no matter how you feel about it?
I hope your X continues to explore her issues and comes to terms with how you have to work together for the sake of your D.
Sorry I've taken so long to reply this week, but I've been killing myself w/work and getting the kids ready for tomorrow's AP US History test. It has been a long week and I'm tired.
Anyway, I'm not planning on dwelling on the "why now" part, but I can't help but have some feelings of sadness over the whole thing and its timing. I'm going in a different direction and I wasn't planning on being here. However, I'm here and I'm here for a reason, so forward is where I'm going.
I do hope it means we'll be able to have a decent co-parenting relationship. But a lot of this will depend on how sincere and lasting these "changes" are in XW. Don't worry Kalni, I'm still very much on guard w/her. There will be NO lowering of the defenses until there is a long, long, long pattern of consistent behavior. Even then, the shield will only come down a tiny bit.
Carlos, I'm doing well w/my new outlook on self-discipline. It hasn't helped w/exercise this week as I've been putting in 12+hour days staying after w/kids to review for the test, but I've been forcing myself to get grades done and more prepping finished at school that I'm a master at putting off. So, I've been very productive at work this week and I like the new focus on "doing what I need to do when I need to do it regardless of how I feel about it."
Keeping busy with work is good. And even better if they all do good on their test.
I found myself thinking a bit tonight about my marriage and divorce because I sat down and finally watched "Fireproof". The movie situation was quite a bit simpler than ours, but still it had a great message about changing and working to save and keep a great marraige. Looking back, I realize that I may have stuck it out longer had she not exposed the kids in her affair. But it is best to not think too much of what might have been.
