HELP! Is ML to try to reconnect a mistake?

[trampledheart]

It's been awhile since I posted...

Today was my third C appt the MFT, and she was concerned that I'm unable to stop focusing on H... (wow, I just felt weird typing "my" H, as if it's a lie, and so I deleted the "my"). *Sigh*

My C feels I'm isolated, and she want me to do things, maybe even think about dating. She asked why I want to be with H when he doesn't want to be with me. I wish I could detach...it's just so hard.

I shared with my C that my Atty emailed me to bring in the signed Proof of Service for the Legal Sep, but I haven't done that yet. I think it's because I don't really want to go forward. I'm scared it will really mean the end. I only meant to secure myself financially from further ruin. But I think H took it to mean an end, like a "divorce". I'm also afraid H will reply by choosing to Divorce instead of Legal Sep (it's only a box that he has to check, and then it would be a divorce).

Is there a way to communicate that to him, that I only want to do this for financial reasons? And to ask him to agree to that? I feel like that's not possible, that the whole process with Attys etc will lead to more anger and bad feelings.

I read beginnersmind's post and her conclusions about her husband, and I feel somewhat the same. That I should have done something before... But unlike beginnersmind, I don't have the courage to go through with it right now. I wish I was angry enough now to go forward as I had been a few times in the past. But right now, I'm just so sad and depressed...

Trampledheart