Saving a Military Marriage.... 4

[FitChik]

Thanks for stopping by JWM! I hope you are doing well!

I am back from hanging out with my fam. It was a fun visit and great to see them again. I will not get to see them again before deploying.... so it was precious time spent.

I think being with my fam again for the first time since all this drama happened was difficult. It is hard seeing people you love when you feel like you've let them down. I know this has been hard on my family. And then I was triggered several times and missed my H. Uugggghhh... I am just glad these occasions are getting farther and farther apart.

My H and I have e-mailed a few times. H told me that reason me lied was to hurt me.... b/c I hurt him. He feels I have put him down through this whole sitch. He can be sensitive and doesn't handle criticism well sometimes. I know I can be blunt at times but do not feel I put him down. I try to be gentle and kind but I have lost my cool on more than one occasion through all of this. I certainly do not hurt him intentionally.... I am not one to retaliate so I do not understand why he would try to hurt me but I know it happens.

I am going to hire a L next week. I will be glad to have someone take care of the legalities and have that load off my back. I am praying for God to lead me to the right L for my sitch.... as it is definitely unique.

Otherwise I am focusing on getting in all the training I need before deploying and on the fun activities I have planned. I have less than 2 weeks before I climb Rainier and am getting very excited! I hope the weather cooperates and we are able to summit! Then in early June I am going to Vegas with my best friend who I have not seen in several years. We will be trouble :-).