OK, I just read through your first thread, and I have some thoughts:
She seems to be coming and going as she pleases. Are you the primary caretaker of your daughter? If so, you should be documenting that. You also should be documenting all the nights she sleeps elsewhere. This information might be relevant in a custody battle. I also hope that you have consulted an attorney to educate yourself about your rights and responsibilities. If you really believe that she may have a personality disorder, you should ask the attorney what bearing that might have on custody--do you really want someone with a personality disorder raising D3? You need to protect yourself and D3 in the event that things go even more sideways.
I just noticed that she never really moved out. So, I would assume that her "change of heart" during your counseling session had more to do with the cost of finding her own place than with anything else. By agreeing to a "roommate" status, you've tacitly accepted her choices. You were in a much more powerful position when the clock was ticking on her either moving out or committing to the relationship.
I think you should move ahead with the re-decorating/remodeling plans that you talked about previously. Do not consult your wife, or even tell her that it's coming. Just make the changes. I think this will help you in many ways:
1. It gives you something pleasant and productive to work on that has nothing to do with your wife's choices. 2. It will help you feel like you're moving foreward, with or without your wife. (She'll see that too, trust me) 3. It will remind her that the clock is indeed ticking, and that she is not in control of how long she has.
If she flips you any crap about the changes you can just tell her, "this will be my and D3's home no matter what I decide to do in this relationship, so I want it to be comfortable for me." That will remind her that she's not the only pilot on the plane.
Re-read "No More Mr. Nice Guy." You're still rescuing her.
