Well... I am a completely "bust" divorce buster. After last night....I feel like I am back to square one. I'll back track a bit. OK...one of H's issues is that I don't "trust" him. I am still in the dark about whether or not there was or is OW, whether EA or PA or both, etc... He denies all. When I go back and read what I wrote when I first started this thread, all of it comes rushing back. SAD!!!
The day before yesterday, we had amazing sex twice. Very fun and casual. Then yesterday morning, H mentioned that he was going to play tennis in the evening with a male friend that I have never met. My little OW RADAR went up and I guess my attitude and subsequent conversation was interrogative. Wow! I vowed not to do this but I couldn't help myself. He didn't say anything then, but then much later in the evening, he brought it up about the whole "I don't trust him vibe" and that it was very evident by the way I acted. I suck at this!! I have been trying to be upbeat, supportive, etc... but I TOTALLY SLIPPED!!! H slept on the couch and he said that it is the same old stuff again. OUCH! What to do? And I'll admit it...I slipped back into following him around, trying to coax him to come to bed last night, followed him to the car this morning, apologizing over and over, yah dah yah dah. I actually committed the worst DB sin ever...I said I'm sorry and I love you and gave him a hug before he left for work. He said "don't worry about it, I love you too". Still.............this sucks. Abby
