New around here...

[hopeful_cb]

My first reaction when I am told 'sounds like you're in a very good place right now' is that I am so NOT...H is convinced its over, I hardly see him, and he is considering pursuing R with OW?!?

But then thinking again, I see that if I were to think that I would be missing all the positives that I have seen and all the small steps and signs that show H does actually still care regardless of his words(and some actions)at this point.

So I am going to review these over the weekend and really see what I may have been over looking.

Another thing I have been thinking about today is that H mentioned about having no money at the moment. He said he had to draw out cash from his cc just to pay his rent last month. I was shocked, as we were nearly there sorting out our financial situation before he left. H is paying for 3/4 of everything on the house I am living in (rent and bills) and also paying for his own shared place and his own spending obviously.

I began to feel very guilty as I am paying so little towards the housing expenses, eventho it is what we agreed to. And I have managed to save quite a bit in the last few months. H does make twice as much as me, but is still struggling and I stopped helping pay off the cc's that were in his name(eventho the money on them was probably from both of us) when he left. I was very tempted to offer to help him out but decided to think on it.

When I asked him if he is just low on money bc he's been going out a lot, etc he said no but that he hadn't been saving anything either. He was going out to lunch and been clothes shopping and not worrying about his food shopping just getting whatever he wanted.

So I am torn between offering to take more responsibility and helping out. I also think he needs to see the consequences of his actions! And also out of anger probably I think it was HIS choice to walk out of M so he should have to pay for it not me!

I just don't know on this one.

H also texted today that he had skipped the doctor appointment today as he 'felt better.' I am not surprised as I was shocked that he had actually went out on his own accord and made an appointment since he never normally would!

Not wanting to be responsible anymore(especially in a R with me) is a huge reason he gave for leaving. It seems he is still running from responsibilities.