Over the Shock - Detaching and GALing 3

[Thinker]

So here's an R question for some of you experienced people out there (Women in particular):

I am trying to learn better how to argue (or not argue) with my W. I want to stay strong, stand up for myself, and in general not get sucked into it.

But is difficult because of the way these arguments proceed. Here is an example:

W (out of the blue): I want to work out early tomorrow morning. (Note, early mornings are when I normally work out. As a SAHM she normally finds time during the day. Our gym has childcare.)

Me: I was planning to work out then. That would mean that I don't get a chance to work out tomorrow, and I don't want to do that.

W: (Escalating Immediately) Why are you so inflexible? Why is everything all about you? Why are you being such a jerk? It's just like that weekend when you...! You always...!

At this point, my blood boils and my instinct is to begin a point by point defense of each of her attacks. Now I am learning to bite my tongue and not respond to those (with some success...it's not easy)

The net effect, however, is to leave me speechless. About all I could manage was an "I'm sorry you feel that way" and then to walk away after a long pause in which she turned away and busied herself with some meaningless task.

The Old Me would have folded just to keep the peace, and then been resentful.

The New Me...is still a bit tongue tied and unsure of himself in these situations.