Hi antlers, welcome!! Bill I agree with you 100%. And Sara, what Deida is talking about, is not disgusting IMO. And believe me, all my life I was anything BUT passive and a good F couldnt make things better for me.
But I think I invented "nothing" as an answer (yes mish and naej, me too) and maybe it was my lack of understanding basic skills of communication but if my partner would approach me with humor and relax me, and made me feel safe THEN my asnwer would definitely be something else and not "nothing".
I like the idea of first feeling love and then talking about problems, issues, complaints etc etc. It's funny, I have read at least 10 books on relationships etc the last couple of years, bought online help, had been geting MF's emails etc etc. They all are very similar about many things. Communication when a couple is in love is not restricted to words, think about it. SO when we say the root of evil is poor communication sometimes we get stuck on thinking "words". But as Deida says, physical connection whether it is a hug, or making love, or laughing together ALLOWS room for words when both partners are in a good position to listen and to share. Just IMHO.
Compassion... Sigh!! I had no compassion for my husband towards the end. I was mad and resented him. I could feel no compassion for him being tired and working hard because I felt he was robbing us of our life. I never felt compassion from him either. I think he thought I didnt need it. I will never forget going to the hospital on my own for a mammogram (spel?)after I had found a lumb. I was terrified it was cancer. He went to work. I called him to tell him it was nothing. He asked again and again "are you sure? you are not hiding anything from me are you?" and that night when he came back, he hugged me and told me that if he lost me, he would die too. That was 7 months before the bomb. That night I felt loved, I realised he didnt come with me because he was too weak. I understood. Still I felt hurt and abandoned. I forgave him but I wished he had overcome his fears to be with me cause I needed him. What I felt was lack of compassion. I felt I was alone.
Anyway, the man leads, the woman leads also. Balance is the key. Masculine and feminine are very different. I cant say one is stronger than the other. I believe one needs the other to become better. "You make me want to be a better man" as Jack Nikolson says on "as good as it gets". My favorite love quote. K
