Let me just say: DIVORCE BUSTING techniques work!!!!
So H just called me. I was going to answer, in fact I let the cell and work ph ring out and then something told me to call him back. So he wanted to talk b/c he's been doing a lot of thinking. I tried really hard to just listen, and I think I did a good job but I did add my two cents. He said tons...
So he talked about how he's tired and every mornign he's waking up with a headache and he getting older and he's been thinking about all the things I've said and I was right about a lot of things. He said that mainly he thought about me saying that he walked away from the family and he realized that he did have a family with my family and his and he was thinking about all the places we have all gone to as a family. And he said that he knows he needed to realize this on his own and some people just have to realize things on their own. I even said that I don't want him to feel like I would want him to just walk away from his son but the goal would be to bring his son into our family.
He said that its like if someone just gives you money compared to working for money and he knows he's taken a lot of stuff for granted. He even said my quote that I always use and I got it engraved in wood in the home "If you feed it, it will grow. If you starve it, it will die." And he knows he hasn't fed us. I agreed. And then I jumped on the opportunity to used a line that I planned on telling him, you know I feel like my love for your H is dying because it is being starved all this time. He said then is there a chance for us and I said well if you feed it it will grow I guess. He then went on to tell me that he's just trying to figure soem things out but he just wants to do right by me. I went into but you are not telling me what you need to figure out so you can't expect me to sit around. So he opened up and said that he needs to find a better place for his son to live b/c he can't leave him there (remember h and Ow are in a room in some dungeon/oh sorry a basement renting with ow people. when H moved ow conveniently had no place to live and he had to find them a place since she was not working either. but I think he wanted to do this though.) Anyway, I was starting to speak a little harsh and said that how do you expect me to wait til you take care of ow and her children. I ask are you going to take custody of you son otherwise there will be many other times that your son will not be in a good situation. He then went to say that he's coming to me honestly and I said I think one of the things I have done wrong in the past is you come to me to be honest I have shut you down and he said you're doing that now. So I apologized and said that's not my intention and I know how much you love your son but this is a difficult situation and you can't expect me to understand you taking care of another woman. We calmed down though and I asked what is his plan. Has he given ow a timeframe of when to find a place to move out. I even said how does she feel about this b/c will she want to move out and leave you or will she prolong this. He said he has thought about that and something will have to give pretty soon [look how I'm coming back home by the end of the summer has turned into pretty soon.]
He even asked if I would want to take custody of his son and I said I would support him on whatever he wants to do. He said that he wouldn't want to deal with the stress of having ow in court. But I did tell him I know he couldn't just leave them there and I know him that it would weigh on his consciense but this is a difficult situation that he will have to figure out. He said that he thinks that OW would even let him have his son and I said that he has legal rights and OW can't keep him from his son legally. Oh, we had a big breakthrough, I told him that when I first found out about his son I truly wanted to accept him but he made it difficult for me and everyone in the family when he continued sleeping with ow. He completely understood that and it was so sincere in his voice. He said if someone had come to him explaining the situation he would tell them the same thing too. I thanked him for understanding. And told him that's why at this point I cannot accept him or his son if he continues to be with ow.
Anyway, tons was said. Oh, get this he even brought up that last night how OW was cursing his wife and he shut he up and told her watch her mouth. But I told him that I'm not flattered - what it lets me know that for us to work that you can't be friends with ow adn for that matter I wouldn't want to be friends with someone that always speaks badly of him either. Marriage is hard enough. He kinda agreed not fully yet. But that is one of my requirements. He talked about how he will just not go and treat ow badly and I said that's not what I would want, I won't want you to treat her good or bad, no treatment at all.
The end of the convo got a bit funky because he wanted us to talk about our bldg and that he would call me back later and I said to text me. He didn't like - he thought we could go on to being cool after this conversation. I explained that I until he makes some moves that I just want to stay in my corner. Then he started to get frustrated about how can we make arrangements for the bldg if we don't talk. He tried to make it seem like I am trying to make decision w/o him and I explain no just text me waht you want to do. He wants to pull me back in. But I didn't really give in. We hanged up and then I texted him a little bit after saying: I completely understand that u are trying to do right for ur son. I wish u the best with clearing things up! I just want to stay to myself until then, ok.
Interest conversation. I know I need to keep the DB efforts going.
