Looks like it's just you and me here on my thread bluerain. Thanks for sticking around.

Sounds like your H got the karma he was due. Must've been quite a scene!

My W has a friend who is her main confidant, and she is my friend too. I've considered asking her, but in the past she told me she will keep no secrets with my W, so I can expect that she'll tell my W that I asked, and I'm not sure I want my W knowing that. If my W wants me to know, then she should tell me. Of course she's probably really embarrassed and feels foolish, so perhaps her not telling me is because of that.

You're absolutely right about being able to tell, and yes, my W fell off cloud 9 back around 6 weeks ago. She was crying all the time, had to go on anti-depressants, and then started eating all the chocolate she could get her hands on and gaining weight, which is her stress reaction. She seems to be recovering slowly, and this has coincided with the improvement of our R. One of my friends told me to be careful, because she's effectively on the rebound now, and I know to heed that warning.

Although I believe the main affair is over, I think they've agreed to "just be friends" due to the distance between them, and they are still talking occasionally to each other. In my opinion my W is still involved in an EA, albeit a minor one at this point. This is the situation I don't know how to handle, and perhaps this is what I should ask our friend about.

I have the advantage that I'm right here and I see her all the time, but does that just make her take me for granted, allowing her to pine away for her lost OM? In my gut, I think that's what's going on. Should I go dark, effectively forcing her to be alone (or find someone new!), or take advantage of our time together, be fun and charming, and hope we'll grow closer? So far that does seem to be working, but I sometimes feel like I'm compromising my self respect by giving my warmth and humor to a woman who hurt me so bad and has shown no remorse. Will her feeling closer to me force her to face what she did and eventually express remorse, or will it make her think she got away with it because I seem so okay with everything?