Setting Boundaries for MLC Alien H

[In Limbo]

Yeah, the fear thing is a huge obstacle for me. It's easy to say stop being afraid, but much more difficult to make yourself actually do. I guess you're right that I do have the power to end it whenever I choose, but it still feels like he is in control. Both of my options seem like duds while he seems to have options that are both positive for him. Ok, leaving his family for a 27 year old married girl is not really a positive option in my opinion, but it sure does seem to have some positive aspects for him (finding his "soulmate," getting to have a beautiful young woman, remarrying and having more kids, etc.). Guess I'm just in a sour mood today. Shame since it's so beautiful outside.

GREAT advice on how to respond to the "What's wrong" question. Right now, he doesn't know how much I know about current situation with OW. That has been difficult because if I didn't know what I do, I'd probably not be as emotionally charged as I am now. BUT I can't confront him and so I was unsure what to say other than "nothing." Now, thanks to you, I have an alternate response.

As for stopping talking....I'm concerned about that right now because he's not coming to me to talk. I'm guessing he's taking everything to OW. For example, a couple of weeks ago he got a DUI (yet another classic MLC event to add to the list). I did a great 180, didn't jump all over him, was supportive but didn't minimize it, validated when he talked about what a wake-up call it was, etc. For a few days we seemed to move closer, were talking alot, etc. Then suddenly things got distant and tense, especially after a long evening with OW (that he lied about of course). I'm not sure how to get him talking again. I tend to freeze up now because I'm so afraid I'll wander into R or OW land without even realizing where I'm headed (sort of like getting in the car and driving toward work on the weekend out of habit).

Weird, I'm not looking forward to him coming home this weekend. Not sure what that means. I get sick at my stomach when I think of him looking at me and lying to me more. Guess if I puked on him that would REALLY push him away,no? It's exhausting. Gotta get in a better state of mind before tomorrow night, that's for sure.